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life does get better

Author: lainie75
ASL Info:    30/f/uk
Elite Ratio:    3.83 - 276 /254 /32
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1408
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 540


eemmm i dont have a clue , i wrote it in my teens.

life does get better

When you close your eyes and light becomes dark.
And in the distance you can hear dogs bark.
When you can't sleep and your feeling cold.
The nights seem so long when you've no-one to hold.
When your all alone tucked up in your bed.
And thousands of thoughts go around in your head.
Thoughts of the good times , bad times and all.
When your lying there with no-one to call.
But life does get better , i know cos its true.
And oneday in your life you wont feel so blue.

Submitted on 2005-07-10 10:01:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  A really nice write. The rhyming to me, was okay. And a very good statement that life does get better. It may last a moment or longer...but the silver lining always shows up sooner or later. We just have to hold out till it does.
A very nice write.
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow you are so good,I love your writes,So life gets better? I wonder? When I fall threw a hole I say the onley way out is to go up,Unless of corse you dig out and around,But you poem make sme think and I like it.
| Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by _DeathBySofa_ | [ Reply to This ]
  Short, sweet, inspirational. I wish there wasn' t that "comment is not long enough" thing because sometimes that is all you need to say. It really is inspirational, even to someone like me who isn't easily inspired. It is really quite beautiful in it's innocence, it's simplicity. I really relate to this but from a more negative point of view :P. I think this line was my fav

When your all alone tucked up in your bed.
And thousands of thoughts go around in your head.

Just coz I go through that every night; thousands of thoughts running through my mind and being analysed. Yeah anyway, this was cute.
| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  Elaine, this is a delightful little inspirational poem. Teens, eh? It shows a little in the forced rhyming, but the sentiment shows through.
Why don't you re-write it and don't bother rhyming? I'd like to see the result of that.
Well done, I hope they all read it (and believe)

Be Happy

| Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] inspiring this was, in a sad way. The light at the end of the tunnel. I think you did a fine job expressing that here and it was an enjoyable read. Flowed well and had a magnificent finish that provides hope. Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  dear lainie75,
I enjoyed your moral to this story, but like Shadows Life said you tried to hard to rhyme. I do like how in the beginning your rhyming seems natural but then after the dogs bark everything felt jumbled up. The feeling was true if I do say so myself. One of my favorite lines is: "And thousands of thoughts go around in your head." This line is so perfect! Keep Writing and everyone will keep reading!
~much love~
| Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by Imaginth | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm i kinda like the poem as far as meaning but u tried to hard for rhyme to the point u sacrificed a little of the beauty of the poem for the rhyme a good work all in all but it could be better if the rhyme scheme is reviewed :)
| Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww! Elaine I dont know how I ever missed this one! How sweet this is! And sad too! But at least one bright note is that when you have no one in bed to hold it means you don't have any sh*t to put up with either! hahaha! I really like this poem! It is sad yet inspirational too which is cool! And I sure know about the long nights of tossing and turning and that is awful! But I love how you sum it all up in the end that life does get better and it is a nice one for me to read at this point in my life! Great poem! Thanks for sharing! take care!

| Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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