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    dots Submission Name: Humble Beautydots

    Author: Adaria
    ASL Info:    20/F/AR
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 39/38/14
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 710

       I wrote this a long time ago. Sometimes I see things that just touch me and I have to write about them. So there you go. It's not much, I actually don't think too much of it except that I hope I get across the point I'm trying to make. Which is "Poor that true beauty is rarely seen"... Comment away, please...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHumble Beautydots

    A lone crow standing on a bare road
    Waiting for his next meal, not realizing he could be that for another
    He looks and searches for solidarity
    And for tomorrow's life

    Black feathers gleam under the cold sun
    For whom do the feathers shine?
    Does anyone really notice a crow?
    Poor that true beauty is rarely seen

    Graceful flight is taken into a cloudy sky
    Beautiful black on a dreery background
    To not know where lies the next day,
    Frighteningly exhilerating

    What word better than sleek
    For such a humble beauty
    A lone crow standing on a bare road
    An unnaturally pleasant sight.

    Submitted on 2005-07-10 16:21:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Dreary, exhilarating - just a couple of typos, if you were interested to know.

    I see that every stanza is five lines long, how come the first stanza is only four, with the second line extra long? A mistake, or how you really wanted it to
    look like? I would've thought you would've broken it up like this -

    'Waiting for his next meal, not realizing
    he could be that for another

    - Something like that anyway. I agree with the last commenter -

    'not realizing he could be that for another'

    - doesn't quite flow right. In fact, I had a hard time deciphering what you meant by this.

    Just a few points. Again, I hope this helped. I'm so sorry if I seem nitpicky lol.

    Have a good one,
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      another great job. you paint the picture of the crow quite well. it is truly sad that few people notice unconventional beauty.

    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this. i like how you used one example of how true beauty is rarely seen and made that the entire poem instead of dragging it on with several examples. to me, it makes it more effective in gettign your idea and thoughts across. though i love the entire write, and have even added it to my faves list, the last stanza is my fave. it just has a beautiful flow and leaves an impact that lingers even as i sit here writing this to you. wicked awsome job!
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by peanut911 | [ Reply to This ]

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