Description: I wrote this a long time ago. Sometimes I see things that just touch me and I have to write about them. So there you go. It's not much, I actually don't think too much of it except that I hope I get across the point I'm trying to make. Which is "Poor that true beauty is rarely seen"... Comment away, please...
A lone crow standing on a bare road
Waiting for his next meal, not realizing he could be that for another
He looks and searches for solidarity
And for tomorrow's life
Black feathers gleam under the cold sun
For whom do the feathers shine?
Does anyone really notice a crow?
Poor that true beauty is rarely seen
Graceful flight is taken into a cloudy sky
Beautiful black on a dreery background
To not know where lies the next day,
Frighteningly exhilerating
What word better than sleek
For such a humble beauty
A lone crow standing on a bare road
An unnaturally pleasant sight.
Dreary, exhilarating - just a couple of typos, if you were interested to know.
I see that every stanza is five lines long, how come the first stanza is only four, with the second line extra long? A mistake, or how you really wanted it to look like? I would've thought you would've broken it up like this -
'Waiting for his next meal, not realizing he could be that for another
- Something like that anyway. I agree with the last commenter -
'not realizing he could be that for another'
- doesn't quite flow right. In fact, I had a hard time deciphering what you meant by this.
Just a few points. Again, I hope this helped. I'm so sorry if I seem nitpicky lol.
i really like this. i like how you used one example of how true beauty is rarely seen and made that the entire poem instead of dragging it on with several examples. to me, it makes it more effective in gettign your idea and thoughts across. though i love the entire write, and have even added it to my faves list, the last stanza is my fave. it just has a beautiful flow and leaves an impact that lingers even as i sit here writing this to you. wicked awsome job! *meg*
Submission Name: Humble Beauty
