Very impressed. The flow was outstandingly smooth.The verse," You'll have lived for nothing and died for less, though you had power like a king, death's hard to impress." totally threw me off my chair. Deep...very deep. This is the kind of stuff that got me into poetry in the first place. Great job kid.
Very nice! I can think of way too many people whom this applies to. I like how you describe death, but in the "spiritual" way, not the physical way, if that makes sense. I think you're right when you say that those who seek purely power live and die w/o a cause. Sorry if this makes no sense. I really like this though!!!
that is pretty uber imho, nice work. I like how the 1st thing in the back of my mind is "who's shape?" and then I realized it was death coming towards the reader, as opposed to my marching towards death. The next verse carried this farther, explaining how people (implying the reader/me/you) collectively cause their own deaths without knowing/intending.
The next verse was kindof secondary/filler to me because -personally- I try to keep familiar with the prospect of my death, up until "power like a king" when it made me wonder if it was speaking to me, suggesting the infinite potential of life compared to death, making me question "have i rejected a cause, saying it held me back? have I saught pure power? am I now wearing my own death like a black robe, i keep it so close?" then describing the scenery and powerlessness of death in the next verse, etc. etc... has room for improvement maybe [title?] but even so: excellent impact