[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: ...and you march torward deathdots

    Author: thor_s avatar
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ar
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 237/233/70
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1105
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1065

       a poem about the people that live life for nothing beyond this world, and are basicly just marching torward death, telling themselves it'll never happen

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...and you march torward deathdots

    his shape comes through the swirling mist
    so blurry, you can't see
    your heart, still young, it does insist
    he'll never come to me

    culling the herd that trudges on
    getting closer now
    they have no choice but to come upon
    thier destroyer, led like slaughtered cow

    but you say you've a ways to go
    too many years to count
    but as your pushed along life's flow
    the years begin to mount

    you'll have lived for nothing
    and died for less
    though you had power like a king
    death's hard to impress

    rejected a cause, said it held you back
    and pure power you did seek
    now you can hear the wind howling through the robes of black
    and as the scythe whistles, no one speaks

    none can say a thing on that fog-covered, desolate field
    theres nothing you can do
    tell me what earthly power you could wield
    when his fingers pointed right at you

    Submitted on 2005-07-10 21:16:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very impressed. The flow was outstandingly smooth.The verse," You'll have lived for nothing and died for less, though you had power like a king, death's hard to impress." totally threw me off my chair. Deep...very deep. This is the kind of stuff that got me into poetry in the first place. Great job kid.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice! I can think of way too many people whom this applies to. I like how you describe death, but in the "spiritual" way, not the physical way, if that makes sense. I think you're right when you say that those who seek purely power live and die w/o a cause. Sorry if this makes no sense. I really like this though!!!
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like this poem however there are a few small spelling errors. but other than that i belive the wording is great keep it up! pan
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by pandora22 | [ Reply to This ]
      death comes in many ways, death comes unseen, even we never realize that we've marched toward it since we were kids.

    But still there are a few misspelled words and overall the correllation from verse to verse make sense and stabbed me off
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by Soldier O_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      that is pretty uber imho, nice work. I like how the 1st thing in the back of my mind is "who's shape?" and then I realized it was death coming towards the reader, as opposed to my marching towards death. The next verse carried this farther, explaining how people (implying the reader/me/you) collectively cause their own deaths without knowing/intending.

    The next verse was kindof secondary/filler to me because -personally- I try to keep familiar with the prospect of my death, up until "power like a king" when it made me wonder if it was speaking to me, suggesting the infinite potential of life compared to death, making me question "have i rejected a cause, saying it held me back? have I saught pure power? am I now wearing my own death like a black robe, i keep it so close?" then describing the scenery and powerlessness of death in the next verse, etc. etc... has room for improvement maybe [title?] but even so: excellent impact
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by Catalist | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]