When the sky divides, lets loose its' life,
when the thunder cracks, I reciprocate a grin.
The whole of me rests at the edge of a knife,
split down the center, still both sides sin.
Thoughts birthed in the womb behind my eyes,
I could not stop them if desired, and don't.
Conversations heard, sorting truths from lies,
I could speak, put forth a word, but wont.
Passions held, everything burns white,
love waltzes with lust, a graceful couple.
The beauty and the warmth of a summers' night,
a gust bends a sapling, lazy and supple.
Once a storm, the oceans rough, white with foam,
the waters have calmed, the sun has risen.
This melancholic ghost has found a home,
I held a deaf ear to life, now... I listen.
It is beautiful.
| I do get the meaning to this write and I must say that you have created a powerful piece here. |
Using mothers nature to explain the moods and life changes within you as you age. I can glimpse the fight of good and bad within you as you battle to understand yourself.
The ending was spectacular and tells me that you have matured and your eyes and ears are open. You can almost hear the wisdom within this write.
I like this very much indeed
Greatest Respect and Admiration
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ] || Hmmm this is a very powerful piece that vividly paints the scenery for us...This is such an incredible write, I loved its element of liberation..It beautifully paints the face of mother nature for us along with her beautiful qualities, which you have intricately captured for us...The feeling that this piece invokes is amazingly liberating...I appreciated your meticulous use of imagery...This was a powerful write, its like a breath of fresh air after a wonderful rain..I could smell of the scenes...there's so muc beauty articulated in this write...|
I loved how you ended the piece..Its like you are just laying back and are in silence just allowing nature to speak for herslelf while she impregnates you with her wisdom...This was a beautifully writen work of art!Thank you for sharing..Nobantu
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ] || Descriptive, captive. It held my attention all the way through and made me wish that there was more. It's lovely in a dark and mystic way. It reminds me of the books Terry Goodkind writes for some odd reason. Well done.||| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ] || well you did not ask for any type of feedback from us your audience so i just want to say the pictures you drew were as clear as a brush on canvass!|
thanks for ready my stuff, i must say i am a bit of a slave to rhyme and tend to find that if i can't rhyme a three syllable word perfectyl then i give up but i can take a tip from you...it is not the rhyme but what is being said that matters, cool poem thanks for the insight!
|| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ] || "When the thunder cracks, I reciprocate a grin" is just plain magnificent. There is such infinite character in that one image and it gives so much power, so much definition, so much boundless dimension to your subject. There's a lot of sustained fascination in that single conjuring, enough to turn over and over in the mind for hours. Poetry at its most... just at its MOST... is lines like that. I have this sense that the rest of the whole of this poem is a study for what it ultimately could be. I can't help wishing it didn't rhyme. You've laid out these brilliant foundations that seem not quite to be paid the respect they deserve by the prescriptive rhyming. Example: "love waltzes with lust..." Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant... but not done justice by the rhyming end of "a graceful couple." Are they really graceful together? I'm drunk and am talking too much. What I mean is I really think you've got the stuff. I think maybe you should take this piece and go at it again and see what happens of you let your own thoughts just bleed out the ink. Trust your imagery to stand up without leaning on device, you will discover the power of your artistry stands up on its own. Beautiful.||| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lost Blue | [ Reply to This ] || Excellent work!|
There's so much symbolism in this I'm still reeling from the ever-changing images it brought to mind.
I won't copy and paste my favorite lines, there are too many, but I really appreciate the thought you've put behind the piece.
The whole thing reads and flows well, and has a nice message for all of us.
As I said, excellent!
|| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] || There are many complexely aranged elements in this discription of you. Each stanza is intricately formed, almost an enigma.. but I think I do see, and understand the benignant meaning. |
You've keenly discribed life through the mind and/or feelings of each of us. I think we've all, at times held a deaf ear (and blind eye) to life and the beauty it holds.
I had a catch of breath while reading the last few lines. A very poignant ending to this insightful read.
Well done, Malcolm.
|| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ] |