Black Bliss by lorn

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Submission Name: Black Bliss dots

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Author:	lorn_strixx
ASL Info:	17/female/Ohio
Elite Ratio:	5.87 - 30/16/3
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	227
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	466

Description:
I actually have this one published, but I was just interested in what real people thought about it. Also, I'm really bad with titles, so I could use a little advice in that area.

Black Bliss dots

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Crickets sing
To a black night.
In an onyx sky,
Stars shine bright.
Darkness holds
Such bliss and delight,
An ebony, orgasmic
Rush at twilight.

Your lips couldn't taste as sweet
At an earlier hour
Nor could your seducing
Eyes have such power.
In the light of day,
Being in your arms would seem sour
Compared to this time
Of a night-blooming flower.

Submitted on 2005-07-11 08:54:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Yummy this has got a beautiful...jone attached to it..Especially if you've been infatuated you will avidly understand this piece...I loved the way you serenade us with tremendously incredible scenes...This piece is so luring its...got potential to be revamped into a book...Not Bridget Jones, of course but something more substantial...its a great read, enjoyed this immensely!
| Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a wonderful work. I stood at a distance, watching the couple as they stood in a lover's embrace. I agree that bringing the end lines into the title sounds like a wonderful idea. But the poem was well worth the read.

The poem spoke of the seduction of the evening and how it enhanced the mood for the lover's intimacy. I could not agree more.

Smiles
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Traveller | [ Reply to This ]
  For the title ../. maybe try to recirlcle it around the last to lines " Compared to this time
Of a night-blooming flower" ../. other then that the title really pulls you into the poem in the first place and thats REALLY cool.
J W I
| Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
  I found you... and yer purdy purdy piece of blissful beautifulness ness... yeah i'm makin up words... what? i really do love this poem Mizz Dandilion... it allows for some beautiful feelins... i'm glad yer a part of this site... keep postin stuff like this and you'll have a billion and a half fans in no time... i can't wait to see more of yer work... so much i haven't seen i'm sure... and feel free to take a gaze and some of my stuffs too... adios madam... and don't go runnin into slidin glass doors

Travis
| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]

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