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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Could Have Beendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 873



    Description:
       I was in a terribly morbid mood this morning, and just started thinking what might have gone through my head had I been pregnant when Flip and I broke up. This didn't really happen


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    dotsCould Have Beendots
    -------------------------------------------


    A teardrop falls from my eye
    Blood and tears blend into one
    I watch the blood trickle down my thighs
    That could have been our son.
    Another chance at the life that I wanted
    Is just slowly drained away
    I won't dare sleep tonight, I'm haunted
    By the thoughts of what I did today.
    Sheets soaked in scarlet, I feel
    The passing of the life I could have known
    Had Satan turned up and offered a deal
    I would have sold my soul to see our child grown
    I couldn't do it without you
    Though I wanted it so much
    Now I cry for eyes that would have been blue
    And tiny fingers that I'll never touch.
    A teardrop falls from my eye
    I cry for a deed that can't be undone
    I watch blood trickle down my thighs
    That could have been our son.




    Submitted on 2005-07-11 10:16:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OMG! That is [censored] sick! but in the best kinda way! I could never have thought of something like that.(and I've thought of some [censored]ed up shyt!) It's original, descriptive, colorful, and strikes a nerve. The flow is great, and you've decent wording. Not sure how it could be better. Oh, and I love the hair!
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. theres not alot i can say cause everyone else mostly said it but this poem made me want to cry and i could picture it in my mind.. a young girl layin on blood soakd sheets cryin wow.. relly im like speechless i relly love this poem <3 ash
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i cant even begin to think of what to say. this is really really good. morbid mood or not the emotion in this peice is so very vivid. and it also has this sense of helplessness in it. and that is sad i mean the whole poem is sad but it also is very good. i think im repeating myselflol anyway keep it up...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohh, ouch. I can understand. The rhymes are a little back and forth, but it works this poem. That is some deep emotion. I can imagine what a movie would be like written and directed by you.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. It has a good rhyming scheme, which I look for in all poems, and it captures the feeling very well. I am not very good at rating poems, but this is a good piece.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]


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