Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Could Have Beendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 836
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 873



    Description:
       I was in a terribly morbid mood this morning, and just started thinking what might have gone through my head had I been pregnant when Flip and I broke up. This didn't really happen


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCould Have Beendots
    -------------------------------------------


    A teardrop falls from my eye
    Blood and tears blend into one
    I watch the blood trickle down my thighs
    That could have been our son.
    Another chance at the life that I wanted
    Is just slowly drained away
    I won't dare sleep tonight, I'm haunted
    By the thoughts of what I did today.
    Sheets soaked in scarlet, I feel
    The passing of the life I could have known
    Had Satan turned up and offered a deal
    I would have sold my soul to see our child grown
    I couldn't do it without you
    Though I wanted it so much
    Now I cry for eyes that would have been blue
    And tiny fingers that I'll never touch.
    A teardrop falls from my eye
    I cry for a deed that can't be undone
    I watch blood trickle down my thighs
    That could have been our son.




    Submitted on 2005-07-11 10:16:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OMG! That is [censored] sick! but in the best kinda way! I could never have thought of something like that.(and I've thought of some [censored]ed up shyt!) It's original, descriptive, colorful, and strikes a nerve. The flow is great, and you've decent wording. Not sure how it could be better. Oh, and I love the hair!
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. theres not alot i can say cause everyone else mostly said it but this poem made me want to cry and i could picture it in my mind.. a young girl layin on blood soakd sheets cryin wow.. relly im like speechless i relly love this poem <3 ash
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i cant even begin to think of what to say. this is really really good. morbid mood or not the emotion in this peice is so very vivid. and it also has this sense of helplessness in it. and that is sad i mean the whole poem is sad but it also is very good. i think im repeating myselflol anyway keep it up...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohh, ouch. I can understand. The rhymes are a little back and forth, but it works this poem. That is some deep emotion. I can imagine what a movie would be like written and directed by you.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. It has a good rhyming scheme, which I look for in all poems, and it captures the feeling very well. I am not very good at rating poems, but this is a good piece.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    66088

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry