Description: Let me know if you can figure out what this is about. She was beautiful made perfect in all respects.
My Ten-roi -------------------------------------------
My first love lives in both the old and new
As lucid as the ocean she moves fluid and true
She is so sharp I can taste her steal
When I hold her in my hands perfection she reveals
With a balance so right, it was life we controlled
With this feeling she might, be the better part of my soul
When I grip her base any obstacle is devoured
If she again clings to my waist, I commit to her power.
She loves the way I hold her and she lives in the things I see
She shows me her beauty, her grace, and I celebrate her majesty
He who hesitates is lost and losing she doesn't do
Cross us under moonlight and it will be the end of you
If I fail a test that she can't understand
I forfeit my life with her buried in my hands
Her last gift to me besides the the pain of hope
Is the gift of freedom with her lips upon my throat
This write to me describes a soldier in amcient Roman times speaking to his sword I enjoyed this and found this write very interesting I havent seen one written with this theme and you captured its ellegence perfectly God Bless Ron
i love the way you describe your sword/blade of sorts....its lovely that they arent forgotten with all of todays obsession with full-automatic guns and rifles and pistols.....i really like the flow and it draws me in....maybe because i like blank verse-it just sounds so easy and un-forced
My thought is a really beautiful sword. I hope I'm right, this would be a great piece for one, and I really like swords! lol Great descriptives on this, can almost feel the cool steel, the heavy grip, how it would feel on your hip in the scabbard. Cool. Traci :)
i caught the rhyming scheme, it flowed. This was put together nicely, quality writing. you used great language, incorporated feeling and creativity into it..best of all it was of a personal nature. great work (its about your first car right?)
You’ve done a great job with this one! I couldnt believe the one comment about “a new car” jeesh.., my first impression was a gun or some kind of rifle, but some lines didnt make sence then, like “She is so sharp..”, “if she again clings to my waist”, so this made me realize it had to be a sword? Huh, am I right Phil? Well, if I am, you have given life to a somewhat “ordinary”object, in a way that I haven’t seen before, excellent! Nice ending, just wanna know, is the “lips upon my throat” just the way the sword fell, or is there more to it?
Lovely work, I enjoyed it and sorry if my interpretation was wrong.