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    dots Submission Name: I killed youdots

    Author: samyalone
    ASL Info:    17/f/my room
    Elite Ratio:    3.85 - 93/67/18
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1303
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 391

       this is a poem from a different point of veiw than that of my other poem "that Night" this is how i feel 2 years after the incident occured and i feel so responsible......if you read this and don't understand you should probably read "that night" as well......

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI killed youdots

    People think I'm crazy
    And it's probably true,
    All because of the fact
    That I know I killed you.

    From your living corps
    No blood, nor pain,
    No light, nor breath
    Only tears of rain.

    Now mom I hope you know
    I tried hard, thats true.
    But I didn't try enough,
    To keep your breath in you.

    Submitted on 2005-07-11 12:32:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Breaths cannot be kept, you know that. Its like trying to capture and tame the wind. Its a nice sad poem and as you see i liked the last line, but i must get personal and tell you that you shouldnt blame yourself, its time's fault, one second later, one second earlier... its something beyond us. Try to understand that before making any accusations on yourself.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by AutumnLeaves | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel so bad for the torment you feel. I read the first poem, and I liked it better because it told a story of a tragic night. This one just places blame upon yourself and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself like that. Sometimes you have no control over what happens and you should stop blaming yourself so much! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i read both of them. the first i liked better though. just because it really seems to be more of what happend.
    in this one you are blaming youslef for it.
    tragic thing that happend.
    im suprised that you can write so well about it. i dont think i would be able to.
    but again. i like the first one better from both a personal and profession view.
    i can see that you were trying to look at it a different way.
    the emotion was alot more evident in the other one though.
    i could feel it..
    and it hurt-
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      naruto fan i see... :) i liked the rhyme and the flow but there's something missing... like it was cut short... anyway, decent job :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by kataclysmic | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting poem, I can tell that you worked to make it full of emotion and it is. The only problem is that you spelled corpse "corps". Other than that it's ok.

    Oh, and ps. NARUTO ROCKS!
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by DewdropMartini | [ Reply to This ]

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