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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wave of Depressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Prose/Depressed
    Total Views: 780
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677



    Description:
       Just had a lonely day Sunday. I spent the day by the river though and my mood improved and I was back to smiley/happy Epiphany!

    Love,Peace,Joy!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWave of Depressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    My loneliness seems
    like the current
    of the river
    pulling me into
    the undertow of darkness
    Swirling eddies
    of fear
    encircle me
    My heart has
    drown
    and my mind
    floats endlessly
    toward the vast ocean
    of pain
    A tear becomes
    a wave
    cresting to greet
    my soul
    which hovers
    above me as
    a bird...
    glorious and free
    yet just out
    of reach...
    Were I a fish
    the bird could
    snatch me and
    free me from
    this watery tomb
    and my death
    would be
    the supper
    for my soul.




    Submitted on 2005-07-11 14:06:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Tiff, you really weave this tale like a pro, my dear. It's so human and like an artist to fall into feelings we don't want
    (and yet we're healing at the same time) and we've learned to write our selves out of it. This one is truly a gift.

    You manage to lead us through a story and progression of how you revive yourself and this is the theme I get...

    We are all of it, so there's never any need to worry. The ocean, the fish, the river, the tear, all from the Source.
    *beautiful*
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Awsome poem dude! i loved the way you described your death as freedom, the bird is your freedom, and your a fish, he has too kill you to free you, very good poem, it seemed a little weird the way you structered it but it was badass, im putting this on my favorites! keep up the good work, and keep your head up man, i know how you feel.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Metal_God | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice...It seems like one continous sentence. The way you describe your depression is beautiful. I like how you used the fish thing in there, this is good. I like the picture I get each time I read this, I really dont know what to say besides that this is depressingly beautiful.
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good write! I love the expression of feelings. "A tear becomes a wacw cresting to greet my soul" is really well stated! The entire poem is really nicely stated! Very sad indeed! I can relate to this as of lately. Funny how things change isn't it. Glad to hear this feeling didn't stay with you long. I find comfort in the ocean when I feel this way. Nice poem! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the final lines, "my death would be the supper for my soul", that was grea,t I think I get it, your soul was the bird hovering, and you were the fish, and the bird ate you, oh thats very good indeed. I love the whole metaphoric way you chose to wrote this poem, it was very soulful, most uberly. I also really love the lines that seem to show how the river is pulling you down into the void of darkness. This was really, and truly well written, and definetely favorites list worthy. It's sad when you said that your soul was out of reach, and I really truly love this poem. Great job.
    Peace and much love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      wow Tiff, it is so unusual to find you depressed and it hurts my heart... this is different than most of your writes but it is very good in describing your lonliness and depression. i love the last lines about being a fish snatched by a bird to free your soul... wonderful imagery my friend.
    i am glad to hear from your description that you are feeling better. a sad and lonely Epiphany is heart-breaking.
    @ peace&joy @
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      What an interesting way of discribing depression. Uniquely put into a stream of words that flow so well together. It was as if I were there by the river having all these thoughts along with you.
    Very well written Tiff.. from start to finish you held the course.. stayed on the subject .. and with such compelling words.
    Very nice... and deeply felt.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an "okay" piece, you have a few grammatical errors such as, Drown I think is suppose to be drowned. The metaphor pulls you in..two or three words per line has a nice effect. Have you ever tried using punctiation? It is there for a reason and gives pieces a more dramatic effect, plus it gives the reader your voice. Over all "not to shabby" keep writing.

    Ryan B. Wilbur
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by 27_deadpoets | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very different format from anything I've seen before. Different, and yet very effective. I get the feeling like I'm on that river myself. I totally empathize with you, I'm typically very perky and happy myself, but I also have my down days. I love anything dealing with lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, etc. This is a beautiful way to express that depression, very vivid. I enjoyed this immensely, its going into my faves.
    ~Jen~
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Jengrr | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting!

    Love all these relations to the ocean and ocean-y things. And how it all turns out to be a reoccuring circle.

    Very nice imagery.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by DewdropMartini | [ Reply to This ]
      hey thanx for your kind words once again
    i really liked this post to i guess we will be buying each others books soon
    i have 6 ready now and the publisher is waiting i just have to figure out who i will put as a person to take the credit so far its my oldest son and the elease date will be sping 2006
    keep posting as i enjoy reading you posts
    Its funny what inspires us as writers and what we write about me i have had 2 close calls with death after i recovered i started writing after 41 years i seem to talk about the expierences in that time
    thanx again
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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