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    dots Submission Name: Love's Lotterydots

    Author: SouthrnQT
    ASL Info:    24/ Female/ Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 290/271/31
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1049
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 558

       I was up for a happier poem, something a bit brighter and less filled with death and depression. LOL. I was feeling bright today ;) Hope you like it and it fills you with hope as it did me when I wrote it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove's Lotterydots

    Such a gamble
    A lottery chance
    Russian roulette
    Dancing fates dance

    Worth every moment
    Riding it out
    Past diseaster, keeps me fighting with doubt

    Swallowing pride
    Faith now adorned
    Alive with hope, a new love is born

    Each step may be small
    Treading on new ground
    New life surrounds us,unity we've found

    Completely surreal
    This fairytale dream
    Finally believing in you....
    Believing in me......

    Submitted on 2005-07-11 14:59:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the simplicity in this...sometimes when people write about love its so filled with metaphors and codes just so that they wont get that "this is so cliché" comment...but you were able to express, faith, uncertainity and acceptence very well with this...

    short, sweet, and simple...looved it!

    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This write reminded me of the first time i saw my wife...it was the first time i really breathed. I liked the way this is conveyed, two strangers, love, unsure about what lays ahead. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I caught a spelling error in the word disaster that you may have missed . . . hehe, so that's my one contribution here.

    I've written a couple of poems like this and maybe so have we all. But then there's something magical about new love . . . something DeadnDreaming and I were just talking about the other night. Nothing like it!

    Just when you think you don't have another one in you, here it comes and we tend to forget the hurtful past.

    Nice one!
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      good job. I like this a lot. it's honest, but hopeful too; that's usually not an easy combination to come by. The rhythm flows nicely (I do think you should omit "on" in stanza 4) and the rhyme scheme is excellent. Overall this is a very good piece. The only other critique I have is the discrepency in structure between stanza 1 and the rest of the piece, but that's purely aesthetic as it doesn't really affect any other aspects of the work. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Falling in love and building a relationship, how one adjusts to the other as it progresses, I found this a very good and brief description of the interactions of a couple adjusting to a new relationship and how it takes faith..no matter what problems and issues arise to actually believe in one another, nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the first stanza, it jumps straight into the attitude of wonder that you seem to maintain throughout the poem (It's the accompanying attitudes that change). I like how it progresses like a story without changing the flow, I know personally, that I have trouble with this very often). Very nice rhyming too.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Cetilearo | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, a nice build-up to the ending full of hope for the future.
    You structured this well, it was a bit too short to do your emotions justice though.
    I'd love to hear more about a past disaster, or how this new love started forming, I guess I just was left wanting more.
    You can't have too much of a good thing!

    Well done
    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I'm first.

    I like the hope in this one. It starts out a bit questioning and then as we go, the hope becomes stronger. Finally in the last line we even move beyond hope into confidence.

    I don't know if this is one of those poems that reflects your current life, but if so, I like where you're headed.

    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]

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