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burn


Author: _n3pt
Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 156 /107 /13
Words: 235
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1797
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1796



Description:


#2 in a series. Not sure if I like this as much as the first. Perhaps it should be a 1 poem series.

Anyway, let me know what you think.

as always, I am insanely-

!n3pt


burn



“you can look at me now,” she says
meanwhile I finish my task
“may I help you?” I finally ask
“I’m on the edge of…” she answers…
trails off…
“what can I do for you,” I press
she gives me her name
I should know the request
(and I do)
“just two today?” I ask,
already a little too cruel
“which two?” she insists
“buspirone
(anti-anxietal)
and Wellbutrin XL
(anti-depressant),” I smile in reply
noting she isn’t picking up her Geodon
(anti-psychotic)
“be precise,” she chides, “ALWAYS…”
“be precise” she whispers
“oh, I-“ I’m interrupted
“do you know what this says?” she scolds
using her finger to underline a word written in
glitter on her shirt
“uh… I…” I stumble
“royalty,” she assists.
“I’m a princess,” she reinforces
“this building,” she continues
“all mine,” she concludes
“oh… well…I…” stumbling further
“whole fucking place,” she clarifies
“oh… um… I…” all the while smiling
“just give me my drugs,” she demands
“just sign here… and here…” I instruct
“thank you and have a nice day,” I conclude
beaming, relishing the moment
“[mumble] [mumble] burn,” she warns?
“[mumble] everyone [mumble]…” she plants
walking away, returning to her own world:
remote
detached
a thin line chaining it to ours
she fades

I’d probably have more sympathy for the insane
if they weren’t so amusing to me

God I suck at my job




Submitted on 2005-07-11 15:28:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow. Well where do I start? You are so very unique in your writings. I have never (and I genuinely mean NEVER) read anything close to this.

You made it choppy and vague where it should have been, and kept giving us clues throughout so we could figure it out in our own way and time.

While the idea of many people needing medication to have a "normal" life is a difficult thing to discuss, I applaud your ability to tell one single unique story without being overdone and obvious.

Very well done.
| Posted on 2008-07-13 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is really great! I love how you captured the woman who was speaking and you just work wonders with dialoug... just you talent eh?

I was lost at first like, 'oook........' and then the end just totally made up for it all! It make me chuckle a bit.

its wierd when you work with either, mentally unstable people to little kids, how much they have an open mind, or a shut up one. But most aren't afraid to say what they feel.
But, ya know, your job is just to provide what they are prolly perscribed and bam, ur done. You dont suck, you just have to do it. ^-^ good job!
| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
  lol...this was very amusing indeed. I know its no joke when it comes to asylums, but this I cant help but laugh. I relog on and the first poem I read makes me laugh. To be honest, I was losing it in the beginning, but the ending made up for the entire poem. How is it working in an asylum...or do you work in one? Must be weird but entertaining-not to be mean-but entertaining at times. good one

later days
tracey
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
  I must beging with the fact that at first I was greatly offended by this piece, mostly because I am on these drugs, but I soon got passed that, and really read the poem and I must say that this is actually quite excellent, it captures both the humor and the problems of everyday struggles that both have on every side of the spectrum. Very good Idea, and I'll be back to read more of your work. I beleive you care greatly about these people, so keep up the great wok, and writting too.
much love
kaity
| Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there! I enjoyed reading this! I can relate to this as I am an RN and have worked with insanity in the past. They are very interesting people and I enjoyed the way that you captured this interaction between the two of you. May I ask what your job is? Anyway, really good write! Don't be hard on yourself either because working with people like that every day isn't easy and if you don't find some humor and amusement, you'll go crazy too! Nice write! Take care!
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Well I came in here the other day and wrote a big production about the finer points of your use of dialogue and how impressive it is.. But to my neandering horror the page timed out and i was left with nothing but memories of what i had written about it.. Oh well.. I havent anything to critique on, anyways, as iam quite terrible with dialogue..
But, of course im sure, you already know i liked this, yadda, yadda..
I thought it was great how you ended with;
"walking away, returning to her own world:
remote
detached
a thin line chaining it to ours
she fades"
From a strict dialogue setting with barely anything err.. i guess visual is the word im looking for.. To a poem to describe her.. Which i thought was most excellent.

And of course,
"I’d probably have more sympathy for the insane
if they weren’t so amusing to me"
I never laugh out loud.. But i did when i read this.. It cracked me up.. People are going to think were insensitive and other bull[censored], [censored] the lot of the closed minded pricks.. We are all crazy to the next person.. And what prejudice people have against someone simply because of their humor.. 'eh.. Going off on tangents..
All in All, Another favourite..
Youve got some awesome skill with minimalist dialogue.
Ratio

Err, Post script; I enjoyed this one more then the first actually..
Also it wont let me add this to my favourites, I believe because of the #2.. not sure tho.
PostPost script; On further thought i dont think this should be labeled Rx #2.. Simply because other then being about similar subject matter.. the two pieces, i feel, are completely different in feeling and thought..
Or some crap.. Anyways..
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Ratiomeducet | [ Reply to This ]
  I spent some time in the hospital and it was because doctors had me all f(*$^# up on drugs. I just think too many people don't understand the mentally unstable and it could be you one day. I think it's ok people amuse you but for a lot of them it isn't their fault ~ perhaps genetic, perhaps medication, or that's just them. Everyone deserves to be respected for what they are even if it's messed up.
Maybe someday someone will f@&# with you & find it amusing. The world doesn't need care givers that don't care!
Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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