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    dots Submission Name: to make room for the pain...dots

    Author: morte
    ASL Info:    17/female/earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430/348/55
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1164

       I personally don't care much for this poem (more like a rant actually), but i wrote it when i was having a tough time and so i think that despite the choppy flow a lot of emotion can be seen in it...well no matter what i'm just looking for some honest opinions and maybe a suggestion for a better title

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsto make room for the pain...dots

    Circumstance turned on her,
    as it had so many before.
    The pain grew inside.
    A tumor.
    Alone she cried
    and with each tear
    that ran down her cheek,
    dropped to the pillow,
    and dried to nothing
    a bit of her soul leaked out.
    To make room for the pain.
    This being quite innocently done,
    until one day,
    quite without realizing it
    there was nothing left.
    And thenů
    she felt nothing,
    but tired.
    She wanted to sleep,
    but if they caught her
    they would make her take pills
    to keep her awake.
    The wheels of fate ran her over,
    as they had so many before.
    The pain spread inside.
    A cancer.
    Alone she cut
    and with each drop of blood
    that ran down her arm,
    dropped to the pillow,
    and dried to dark stains
    a bit of her leaked out.
    To make room for the pain.
    This being quite innocently done,
    until one day,
    quite without realizing it
    there was nothing left.
    And thenů
    she felt nothing.

    Submitted on 2005-07-11 15:43:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      very powerful. i liked how crying and bleeding both give the same release. The imagery is great, I could see everything with great clarity and depth. I really don't know what else to say. I think the title fits perfectly. This is definitely a fav.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I am definitely adding this to my favorites. I love it. I think the titles perfect... as well as its repetition in the poem. The description was beautiful, and so sad. I almost cried. Very creative. I have many favorite parts so I'm not gonna point them out because then I'd be copying and pasting all evening. Anyways, I really like this a lot. Great job :-)

    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      alex, as i told you before, i like this poem. the only thing in it I would change would be the lines about the tears falling to the pillow and drying into nothing...it just seems a bit too wordy and long for it to lead to that one line (A bit of her soul leaked out.) i think that some words just need to be switched around to make it sound better. but regaurdless, this is great. very creative and emotion-ful. hmm... anyways, this was great and you didn't rhyme much. great work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem. It was beautifully written. Not that the concept was beautiful. Quite sad, and makes you feel pain. Or liike how is this happening. I thought you wrote this quite well. Its very impressive work. I like the imagery, I don't know how anyone would feel for this, if it didn't have much imagery. Good tha tyou put that in it. I like it, I think I will add it to my favs..

    Good work
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      man, I really liked this peom. I added it to my favorites. It really captured me. I mean it was so beautiful and descriptive it just made me think about how depressin really consumes and you feel like doing nothing and you wanna be left a lone, but your teachers call your parents saying you need help and asking if anything has happened cause you are always down and they want you to participate and focus so other dick wads won't get the negative attitude towards you. But man, let me tell you one time they called all my friends parents cause I cut myself all up and they weren't suppose to socialize with me anymore, man that made me want t die more, so that was friggin' stupid!
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lauren Guzman | [ Reply to This ]

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