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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scrambling For Somethingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1104
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 767



    Description:
       Depressed...hurt, I don't know, this one is open for interpretation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScrambling For Somethingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    And I didn't know that the wind could blow so cold
    That all the pain was my fault
    And I didn't know that without you I would hurt so bad
    That this war was pointlessly fought

    I still lost you, and a bit of myself

    And I was scramling and trying to hold on
    To any piece of friendship that we chose to throw away
    And I didn't know the rain could burn
    falling like tears leaving trails of blood on my face

    I still lost you, and a bit of my own heart

    And I'm kneeling in front of you
    Begging you to hold on
    In my head I can hear you telling me that it's okay
    but you turn away

    And I lost you, and I lost myself




    Submitted on 2005-07-11 16:03:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ooooh...pretty. Jaz, sometimes you piss me off cause you can write and you can draw, and I can only write, and I don't do it well in any style but my own. This one is very emotional. I like the last line...You trying to be like me, now? Love ya,sis.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how you gave this poem your all.one of your best i would say.I once told u to become a professional poet..., i suggest you think about it.You got talent girl.Im srry that this happened to you but if this makes it any better at least you got a amazing write out of it.
    Alysun-Lynn
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Rainin_Raspbery | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really great Jaz. A lot of feeling in this. I sort of relate to this but no one can relate to anything as well as the writer right? My favorite part was...

    And I didn't know the rain could burn
    falling like tears leaving trails of blood on my face

    That was just...brilliant!

    Good write. Great flow...I think.

    Steven ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sad but it is true.
    No matter what happens we alway seem to think it is our fault....but I have learned that this is not true.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this alot. The sentence structure was already mentioned to you. I personally don't think the poem was ruined. I just saw the raw emotion of being left behind. Your flow was great. You kept the theme going in a steady pace to a finish. Well Done.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good, but the "and" at the beginning of the sentences just ruined it. Sentences don't start with and, so it just didn't work. If you took out the "and"s the poem would flow really well, and it would be really good.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]


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