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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sweet Surrenderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 309
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1814



    Description:
       its kinda a poem /song lyric about peace not very much stress on the rythm and rhyme as opposed to imageryu and meaning :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSweet Surrenderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If angels could cry, thier tears would be rain
    if hope wouldnt die, we'd have heroes again
    if people could find in their hearts forgivness
    then others could try to overcome the emptiness
    if we found a way to forget all this hate
    would you take that road or sit there and wait
    maybe, oh god maybe we'd have some peace

    if the hour was broken and time stood still
    would you sigh in relief or pillage and kill
    would you search for a path to redeem your soul
    or would you still persist on condeming us all
    if we found a way to cleanse all the madness
    would you start anew or linger in sadness
    maybe, oh god maybe sweet taste of peace

    we all live on this rocky planet
    all given birth its not like we plan it
    living our lives on day to day basis
    a thousand names and a million faces
    if there was a way to heal all this pain
    would you stand there in wonder or wipe out the stain
    maybe, oh god maybe we'd strive for peace

    Brothers and sisters we'd stand united
    mothers children never divided
    from the pits of despair light shall awaken
    and hope would rise out of ashes forsaken
    we'd give out a hand in aid to each other
    and each lonely child would have a new brother
    maybe, oh god maybe its time for peace

    come on my friend now open your heart
    i know its not much but at least its a start
    if there was a hope for a better tomorrow
    would u take that leap or drown your sorrow
    from pits of darkness burn glorious rebirth
    and the people of earth would regain their mirth
    maybe, oh god maybe let there be peace.





    Submitted on 2005-07-11 16:18:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You say that you didn't stress much on the rhyming, but it went quite well, I think ;)
    I liked this poem. Very unlike my own dark and pessimistic thoughts, so it was a nice one. The imagery and feeling was great. Wonderful job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]
      it's beautiful.majestic.it's so hopeful and pure. but then we live in the real world and that kind of innocence does not exist.it's good to know that people like you are aren't fictitous and are actually out there.keep it up and don't stop believing.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by lethargic_me | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this because it is very inspirational and it has a way of drawing readers like me in without losing us through each line. Also, it was well written, the rhyming was neat, and it allowed me to picture each points of it because it was so descripted and formated.

    To be honest, I can't find anyting wrong with it because all you did was talk about realistic things that make our world the way it is. So keep up the good work and hopely if we pray hard enough then maybe we can live in idealistic peaceful world someday.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Kikyo | [ Reply to This ]
      'we all live on this rocky planet
    all given birth its not like we plan it
    living our lives on day to day basis
    a thousand names and a million faces
    if there was a way to heal all this pain
    would you stand there in wonder or wipe out the stain
    maybe, oh god maybe we'd strive for peace'

    love it, you did a great job on this.
    i think it would make a good song.
    but it was well written. well discriped, powerful points.
    makes you think, hope.
    i really like the format. the rhyming was good. seemed to flow well.
    really well done!
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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