Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Anothers Dying Taledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluesoxz
    ASL Info:    16fohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 71/101/38
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 850
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1544



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnothers Dying Taledots
    -------------------------------------------


    My feelings on the
    inside cause my
    Nightmares.
    Shattered so deep
    no one can pick
    Up the pieces.
    Broke so much don't
    Even try to use the
    Tape.
    Does this make you
    Feel more like God
    To see me bleed?
    Cant you hear moms
    Screams?
    So blank I feel so dead.
    So anxious to act out
    My own death.
    See the glass shatter
    and along with
    it I crumble for I hide
    behide this mirror.
    Look as I rot as the
    Numbness sits in for
    its final kill Take
    my mind off this
    disorder then I wont
    have to think about murder.
    Your the perfect drug to
    Kill and steal how badly
    I want to taste you.To feel
    You inside of me you
    make me so weak.
    Beholder of hell open
    up your gates and let me
    in It's time for me to pay
    For my sin bless me
    With your death wish.
    You see my pain and
    Watch me as Rot away
    Becoming pieces of
    The dirt. Remove the
    Staples from my mouth
    That you used to keep
    it shut.Remove the sword
    From my heart that you
    Thought it will stop it from
    Beating.Knock on my
    heart and hear the
    hollownessThat sits inside
    Now you know Why I want to die.
    So alone
    So scared
    This is nothing to you but a
    Anothers Dying Tale





    Submitted on 2005-07-11 21:27:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's deep. You can really bring things to life. THe way you worded it and the words you used made me able to picture it. It's great and I like your work that i've read.I hope to see more. Thanx for a great read,
    Georgina
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Raye | [ Reply to This ]
      Very chilling and sad. Overall, this poem is good. It's the message that worries me. I think you have potential. You know how to use the pen like a paintbrush, and create a canvas of array of emotions. My heart breaks for you.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      well im not normally into these kind of writes but this was a good one. u have an interesting way of writing that i just grew fond of. and im also wondering in the end if its supposed to be "now you know why i want to die"? and i figured since u commented on my post id read urs. but its good. hope its not based on real life though. if it is feel better about things.

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this. it really explains how one feels. i think you did a really good job, but i think you left out a word like pan said, but other than that this was a really great peice. keep it up. kelly
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love the flow it's kind of broken , fragmented like the person in the poem.
    I do think it works well though considering the topic. I do think you missed a word though perhaps? instead of "now you why i want to die" now you know why i want to die...right? but anyway it's good! pan
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by pandora22 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    66183

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry