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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everydaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671



    Description:
       Wrote it when i was in jail for my girlfriend.Please comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverydaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every day I'm not with you
    I close my eyes
    I see those beautiful eyes

    Every day I'm not with you
    My love grows stronger for you.

    Day after day i'm not with you
    I try to remeber your beautiful straight black silky hair flowing in the air underneath the bright sun.

    But as the days go bye
    your loving physical touch
    that gave me a sense of happiness
    seems to be fading away be each day of the sun rising and meeting the horizon in the morning and the moon rising high at night.

    yet everyday and night
    my love still grows stronger for you




    Submitted on 2005-07-12 07:14:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's a great poem .. why? because I can definitely relate and feel the emotions you feel for that special someone. But I think you should elaborate more on the sun because it seems to be a metaphoric symbol or focus on this piece. I think it would have been great for you to say that like the sun the burning desire for her is so untouchable like the sun. The heat makes you sweat drops of emotion every moment you see her. Anyways, besides that it was totally priceless.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lmen | [ Reply to This ]
      it's nice to be in love It show your loneliness with out her and dedication be well my friend
    wait until your married and your relationship is permanent then you'll be truely in love
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      well, this is a good poem(i say that because i really don't like" mushy" poems, but don't worry someone will) there are no spelling errors and the flow of the poem is there from start to finish, One thing you could work on in this piece is putting in more commas and periods, because in this one you have three periods and that is it, remember you have to put those in because then the reader will know they can pause and then the full meaning of the word will sink in, other then that the poem is fine.

    ~liz~

    (bad you for being in jail...what did you do? you don't have to answer if you don't want to)
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]


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