This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Beautiful? (2)

Author: Oli
ASL Info:    23/F
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206 /211 /53
Words: 161
Class/Type: Misc /Mirror or Mask
Total Views: 1242
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1054


This is the second poem I have written on beauty. Actually it's not a poem. I'm not sure what it is. I don't think I like it very much. It's not that great. Please give me suggestions. Any feed back wlecome. Thanks.

Beautiful? (2)

Looking in the mirror
at the image distorted
A girl not yet known to herself
looking as hard as she posibly can

She looks for what he sees
Thats what he calls this?
This thing standing there
not aware
of her potencial
of her worth

She used to see ugly
but not anymore...
but beauty? that's going to far.
When she looks at herself
she sees no description
only her

"I am me. Nothing but me.
What I'm worth
I do not know."

But he calls her beautiful
"How can that be
I'm just me. Not beautiful,
not ugly,
not plain,
not pretty
just me"

She has much to look for
and so much to see
but she's stuck behind
the lies from the past
trapped by the images of others

When will she see what he sees?
When will she truely believe?

Submitted on 2005-07-12 10:03:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  It's beautiful. MAN that commenting thing gets on my nerve sometimes. Honestly all I want to say is that It's beautiful. Is that not enough sometimes? Ok well seeing as I must write a long comment I'll say this: I don't usually like poems without rhymes but yours really touched me because it flowed so well and the story was something so real? Like so many teenage girls are that girl standing in front of the mirror! I love it, just the way it is... not that I'm the expert on non rhyming poems but yer... Good work :) I'm sorry about my little outburst :P
| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem consists of multible possible meanings or simutaneusly having others as well.What they are somewhat puzzling to me , but it is good anyway.
I am almost positive that the meaning(s) of this piece are not being able to see yourself as highly as others portray you as.
Also , even through the..

"the lies from the past
trapped by the images of others,"she still has someone that loves her.

this poem is contenting , but maybe give it a few tweaks if you find it neccesary.However,it is still exceptionally good as it is.(there are a few spelling errors.)

| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by MoonlightSonata | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?