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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: fightingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Razorgirl
    ASL Info:    15 / female / illinios
    Elite Ratio:    3.23 - 44/59/13
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 295
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1078



    Description:
       i just wrote this off the top of my head ,because the t.v. said that there was a car wreck and one of the teens was drunk and the other dead. it really touched my heart and i thought that i should write about it...if it makes me feel that way anyway.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfightingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    shes fighting this battle,
    of sorrow and regret,
    fighting this battle,
    him,she cant forget.

    after that wreck,
    nothing has ever been the same,
    after his death,
    she leaves herself to blame.

    shes losing this war,
    shes crying alone,
    shes desperate for pain,
    shes running from home.

    she didnt mean to crash that car,
    she was just didnt think,
    she just left the party,
    she took one to many drinks,

    he was on his way home from college,
    and all he wanted was to make it home,
    but the crash was to fatal,
    he died in that car all alone.

    now shes fighting to stay alive,
    thinking of what she did,
    thinking of how she drank and drove,
    after all he even had kid.

    shes fighting the urge of the blade,
    the urge to take those pills,
    the urge to get infront of that train,
    but she doesnt have the will.










    Submitted on 2005-07-12 10:08:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      disturbing is one word for it. sad is another. But painful is the one i found. I relate, comment on my stuff.
    thx
    Reeses
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem and I want to thank you for commenting on "Deeper". You're a very good writer, but I think that some of it didn't quite flow well. However, I can almost feel what that girl is feeling and how she blames herself. My boyfriend commit suicide a year ago and I have similar feelings, but it's not quite the same, because this boy didn't want to die and that would make it worse. Overall, a very good write and don't stop.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Rhayne O_Reilly | [ Reply to This ]
      My heart goes out to the family of the young man who died, and it goes out to the young girl. This is so real. Happens everyday. Ican't stress upon drinking and driving. It's sad that she has to be punished. Her most severe punishment is her remembering the effects she caused. Even though it will be hard but she can still make it. Once again, you have the gift of write. This is a good poem. take care wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah,a tale of reality.Somewhat unique.The true tale of someone,a girl,that regrets what she did.
    You tell the story of the two very well , I must add.And , for a change , this poem was not written in first person view.I , personally , enjoy writing in first person , but reading something is all the more enertaining.

    The desires and regrets of the young woman are clearly evident.

    "after that wreck,
    nothing has ever been the same,
    after his death,
    she leaves herself to blame"

    His fatality haunts her.

    "
    -




    now shes fighting to stay alive,
    thinking of what she did,
    thinking of how she drank and drove,
    after all he even had kid.

    shes fighting the urge of the blade,
    the urge to take those pills,
    the urge to get infront of that train,
    but she doesnt have the will."

    She yearns to try these things but has not the will to attempt it.

    Was it herself punishing her for what she did?

    Sari



    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by MoonlightSonata | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. i love this piece. in my mind i always find the disturbing pieces the most beautiful.
    you're a very talented writer... everything here seems to fit perfectly and the way the story unwravels didn't leave me in the dust.
    i've never had anything like this happen to me but the emotions feel so familiar. overbearing guilt and desperation become your best friends. it's kind of pitiful, but at the same time, oddly comforting.
    sorry, i kind of went off... you've got talent, so waste it by not keeping up the writing
    -the wildchild
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry but Rayne's on crack. This flowed beautifully. You've never dissappointed me, I must say. You have a way with words like I've never seen before. Telling other people's stories or your own, you have a way of catching other people's attention and pulling at their heartstrings. This made me pity everyone involved with the accident. Keep writing. I love it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]



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