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Author: marysunshine
ASL Info:    34, Female,
Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 610 /705 /75
Words: 168
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1546
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1328


Well my boyfriend decided to quit drinking last week...and he's stuck to it. I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel...but anyway. I guess I'm just a bitch.


“I gotta quit drinking”

Words waiting
for a suck back
to chords,
like infantile
of bed making.

That statement
was born
after the Advil
and the gallon jug
of rehydration,
and my tears
from a four AM
that the breathing
in the room
was the dog’s
gentle snore.

Not an eyelash
only tightened
at your sad

No hopeful
for the fake!

I watched
those words hang
like colored gas
in a stagnant freeze,
as if waiting
for the signal
for return
to the belly,
where good intentions
to die.

The words waited…
and panted…
grew impatient
at exhalations
no rescue.

with regret,
they dissipated
into the air…
becoming fact.

After a week,
I’m ashamed
that I hate
the change.


Submitted on 2005-07-12 11:01:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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  Subject matter was good, though it didn't really pertain to me. But I also didn't quite feel the short lines. Nice sentences, I just think they could be broken up differently. I don't have anything to say on your view of the situation, because frankly it's none of my business. There's things that my boyfriend has asked me to do which will probably be better for me, but I still can't help but wish I could do them anyway, as I'm sure he thinks the same way on the things I ask him not to do. But, your feelings are your feelings, and nothing will change them. So, I liked the poem, very nice.
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Adaria | [ Reply to This ]
  oh no! please don't quit drinking on me! who will I drink with?

flash forward into the future

"It's your fault anyway. You wouldn't drink with me so I had to find somebody that would."

My wife would leave me if I quit drinking, and perhaps I/her. Your gut reaction at first is "oh sure, whatever. You'll never make it anyway."

But what if he does?

very honest and I might say brave to spill your true feelings out here. It makes you look don't know, bad? But it's honest. Shite, my wife is my drinking buddy. If she quit it makes me look at myself and question whether I'm some kind of alcoholic to continue drinking after she has obviously decided that she/we have a problem. But this is a decision that cannot be forced on somebody else, while at the same time one that needs to be agreed upon or at least talked through in a couple situation.

I should be concentrating more on the poem and what can be/should be reworked or tweaked, but the subject matter hits so close to home that I find it to be very intriguing. Wonderful topic. If anything, I wonder if the line lengths might be stretched a bit. The short lines add drama but I'm not sure if drama is what you're looking for. Meh. Not sure...

Great topic
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like you're feeling guilty over the fact that you preferred your boyfriend when he drank. It isn't really stated here why. What's stated, to me, seems to be that you didn't really think he would stick by that decision. Well, it's only been a week, so maybe he won't.
I know from personal experience, just from different people I've known, that they were more likable, at least in the beginning before they decided to quit whatever. Some get really irritable and whiny, poor-me type deal. Some would talk relentlessly about how they quit. Some would become born again christians and talk about nothing but God. Some would get obssessed with going to the gym and working out, being super- healthy and talking about nothing but fitness and how much weight they've gained, or how much they can lift. Blah, blah, you get the idea, right? The fun element to their personality was missing. But over time, you'd get used to the change, and most of them would mellow out. It's like when you have a friend that's just gone into therapy and every second sentence that comes out of their mouth begins with, "my therapist saidsays"; but after awhile they, thankfully, don't bring it up anymore, or at least, not that often. I've also had friends who have gone back to their addictions: at first they would be more fun to be around, but then you would notice the negative aspects and decide they were alot more likable and better off without the habit.
I feel that this was very well written. I can't think of any suggestions to make it better.
| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
  This captures your cynicism nicely and as such is a glimpse of real life, but somehow getting boozed or going on the waggon, neither have much romantic appeal as the subject matter for poetry. Sorry, I generally like your poems, but this one left me with a bit of a "so what?" sort of a feeling. It's the sort of poem that inspires a chatroom thread on the evils of alcoholism, but the flavour doesn't linger on the tongue so to speak. I hope to be more positive about your next posting.
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

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