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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Poet's Desiredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lenotoire
    ASL Info:    32/F/Northern Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 466/177/22
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1200
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 355



    Description:
       For all of you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoet's Desiredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to dance
    In the rain,
    Waltzing through puddles
    As I sing,
    A haunting air
    To the storm-laden skies
    While a symphony
    Plays
    In my head,
    And perceive it
    As a bond
    With all of those here,
    Who
    Live,
    Breathe,
    And dream Poetry.
    Oh, but will I?




    Submitted on 2005-07-12 11:59:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      So, I'm noticing a trend with your pieces. I Love every one I read! Why is that???

    This touched me. I live in the absolute best place to dance in the rain- partly because we have a lot of it. Partly because we have different kinds of it.

    This piece spoke to me of the sensory overload that I feel when I am being creative. All else fades and I can focus on one thought, feeling, or belief. Much the same way that you can feel all the parts of your body if you lie down and hold still in a drizzle.

    I think you are bonding well. I think you have a beautiful mind that produces many touching pieces. I am glad you are here and posting your work!

    thanks for sharing!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      There's nothing like the wild whims of nature to symbolize freedom. I love this first part of this.

    "I want to dance
    In the rain,
    Waltzing through puddles
    As I sing,
    A haunting air
    To the storm-laden skies"

    Beautiful,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      dance with me baby! I love the rain. I hear the symphony...excellent upbeat poem, perfect for my mood right now. Thanks for sharing it...now, take my hand...let's do this thing!
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok I am there...lets dance!

    Wonderful sense of in-the-moment joy. Well done.

    question / suggestion

    And perceive it
    As a bond

    I am not clear from the structure to which item "it" refers

    Maybe

    And perceive
    a bond

    Just thinking.
    I truly enjoyed the read.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a difficult poem to critique, because you have shown a great deal of care in your language – spare and precise. Surely it can’t be perfect...yet all I can find to critique is a piddling point: Would not “with” have been more accurate than “to” (“all of those here”)? Other than picking this nit, I cannot find a flaw (perhaps my limitation, rather than your skill?). A truly lovely poem, with great language, and well-chosen line breaks. I have read some of your other poems, and this is by far the best.
    Thanks for the write.
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Of course you can do what you want, in poetry I believe anything is possible. This seems to come "write" out of the heart. Honestly I love this peice. You seem to create your own little world within poetry. This is life to you, poetry. Rain/water is often used as a metaphor for life, but then you create a bond to poetry, just great. This is a good write and I am glad you shared it. Thanks for the read, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      wow nice poem.. i can kinda imagine you dancing in the rain.. from your nice picture. reading others poems is kindof like living there dreams for a moment.. (thats if they arent about angst or loss or watever) And i like your dreams here.. i dig nature, and the feelings it brings.. thanx for this
    shanu
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, you will dance under the poetic sky you have created... because all of us here wouldn't have it any other way... My dear lady we have created this world of poetry with it's seas and forests, from it's webs and pit falls to it's mountain tops so that everyone here with the passion to may bask freely within the whole experience... I very much loved how this poem seemed to poor directly from your heart to paper without lingering to be personaly critiqued in yer mind... it was very free, very beautiful and i enjoyed it very much... From one poet to another, i'm very glad you posted this piece cause it said so very simply yet so beautifuly how we all feel... as poets we all have the desire to find the beauty in simplicity... to be free to wallow in the emotions of living... yes this poem said so much... take care my dear friend... and i dig the new picture up there, very lovely...

    Travis
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      the desire to dance with the muse, hear her symphony, heal in the rain... sometimes she goes away and we retreat, allowing her the space to breathe and then visit us again... sometimes we fear her, for she always speaks the truth and we don't always want to listen... being poets though, we cannot escape her and must let her speak her mind from our hearts and souls...
    thanks for sharing your muse with us, may she always speak your truth.
    peace&poetry
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely...beautifully written. to dance in rain and dream of poetry...touching. I like the imagery you provide. im pretty sure almost all poets on this site will agree with the feelings you possess within this poem. This is truly a wonderful piece. in so little words you managed to capture the feelings of a real poet. nicely done.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      yup I feel ya here--there is sort of a bond between poets(this is my opinion of course) but I feel that if poets could literally rule the world there would be no more problems--eventually--sooner than a later deal it would be done like this critique--Thanks crystal cya
    Lt
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      kick ass poem. it flows ( and i know im not suppsoed to sue that term) beatifully. it has a wonderful upbeat fluidity. the end is sort fo a little kick back, the sort fo dip at the end of soaring, when one peaks steadies and readies to drop. usually poems which end like this annoy me, but becuase the rest of your poem is one sentence, the short sentence at the end is very powerful. i dunno the whole poem is sort fo whimsical and the last lien so wonderfully partical. accepting the chance of dreaming verse the reality. i just really like this poem and i hate to gush. good job
    harri
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by harri | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of the saying “dance whenever and wherever the feeling takes you”. So often there are things we wish to do and are unjustifiably scared of doing.

    I see the “dancing in the puddles” as that place where you go when you want to write. The spot in the corner of your mind where everything is how you want it to be and a place where you can do the things that you can do nowhere else. It seems almost like a muse (if places really can be seen as muses) where your creative energies can flow and be channelled in a way that everywhere else seems to suppress.
    Personally I have several of these places depending on what I write so if that is the idea here then you aren’t alone (if not then maybe I’m the one who is)

    Although I like that idea a lot I have a feeling it is something different and I would very much like to know what inspired this piece :-) Have to say the “Oh, but will I?” throws me quite a bit.

    Thanks for the awesome read, new favourite.
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely poem spoken by a true poet indeed! Ahhh...to dance in the rain, and waltz through puddles...storm filled skies! Ooooh...that is great! And to perceive it as a bond with fellow poets and to dream! This is really good stuff here! A short little write yet filled with inspiration and happiness! I haven't danced in the rain in a very long time! I think I might have to change that! Thanks for this! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one. I've been known to act out a scene or two from Singin' in the Rain, so I know I would. I too like how free this is. I honestly think many of the best poems and songs just leak out like maple syrup with little tinkering. I guess the waltzing and haunting air don't sound that joyful, and I know that poets often aren't either, so that's cool. I also think poets tend to run on all eight cylinders at once so the symphony works. I like how you finally let the inner censor in on the last line; that makes it more real. Ugh, I wish I could evict mine from my head, but I suppose he pays his rent on time. Good job, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good, descriptive piece. The imagery was there. And I felt it to be of a playful mood. Poetry is the blood that moves through a lot of our hearts.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good. I love the simplicity of the piece. Simple poems are my favorite poems. You really showed that you have heart with this one. Showed that you love to think of others. You turned it around by reflecting it on yoursefl...but I think that the whole poem answers your ending question...yes.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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