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    dots Submission Name: Pretty Dancedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 574
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1088

       I let Flip read almost all of my work, and his opinion means so much. I just started thinking about how I watch him as he reads it, and have so much time to linger on the little details that make him what he is. And then I wrote this, and I was very happy.

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    dotsPretty Dancedots

    I sit and watch you read my work
    Those long black lashes frame your blue eyes
    And it seems I have the hardest time tearing my eyes from your lips
    No matter how much I try
    Your eyes dance back and forth across the page
    And I sit here, waiting to see
    The look on your face when you finally finish
    When you truly look at me
    You glance up in the middle of your perusal
    And you flash me a smile
    I return it and I think of how
    You said there's a spark to my style
    Your eyes continue their pretty dance
    And I'm left looking at your hands
    Those blessed appendages that have touched my skin
    And broken my will at your command
    You finally finish, and you smile at me
    Just as prettily as you should
    And you break my heart with those eyes
    And you tell me that it's very good
    I hand you another so that I can see
    Your eyes do that dance again
    You just don't know what this means to me
    My bane, my lover, my ex-boyfriend.

    Submitted on 2005-07-12 12:23:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice. It's interesting that the opinion of your work means so little compared to the torture you derive from the unattainable object you still adore. I hope that there's hope for the two of you. Shalom.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This was awesome. It's amazing how you can write an entire poem from simply watching someone read over what you wrote...good job. I loved how it's romantic, longing, and at the end sad. Great write.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Mia | [ Reply to This ]

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