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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: From You To Me...Part 1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 248
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1467



    Description:
       I wrote this poem as if I was a child again, just looking at how I am as a teen...How I am dissapointed...If you liked read Part 2


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrom You To Me...Part 1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I never thought you would turn out this way,
    I loose you more it seems, each and everyday,
    Is this really what you wanna do?
    You've lost touch, you never laugh like you used to,
    You know the one that made you tremble all the way to your toes?
    But you wouldn't recolect now would you? I'm the only one who knows,
    Do you even know who you are?
    Your soul has run away, run, run away so far,
    Everything you loved when you used to be me,
    Is all out the window, faster than I can see,
    Do you even care that you've left me behind?
    Left only a figment in your mind,
    Playing jumprope and hopscotch used to make you so cheerful,
    Now all you are now is so tearful,
    You used to have an imagination you would let run wild,
    But now your all "grown up" you never let out your inner child,
    You never listen to what I have to say
    You ignore me, try to conceal each trace of me in everyway,
    Please just run around, color a picture just for me,
    Remind yourself of how it used to be,
    Smile and laugh, instead of tear and cry,
    Imagine your a great big bird who can fly,
    Stop trying to be somebody I dont understand
    Walk with me, take my little hand,
    Please don't be a failure because I don't wan't to be,
    Remember, love, care for the little you
    Love,
    Me




    Submitted on 2005-07-12 16:52:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You get alot of unique points for this. I would also like to think your younger self for writing what i think my younger self is trying to tell me. Hey if i ever read any poem in the world i can totally relate to it. The pain that the older version of you is having is affecting the younger version of you just as the pain that present day me is having is affecting...me because i'm an all out kid. If it wasn't for the smart thinkgs i said and me being my age...you'd think i was three but lately i've been having to grow up. Back on topic though i loved this poem and i would give it a serious one hundred out of ten.
    Much Luv and Support
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,
    I think this was a good poem
    You had a good sense of rhythm
    The word choice was pretty good
    And over all I liked the emotion in the poem
    It was UNIQUE , and you get points for that
    a few things-
    "Loose" should be lose
    "Recolect" should be Recollect if im not wrong
    A few other minor errors
    It wasn’t professional, but hey
    No one is a true professional at this stuff
    Good Job,
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent letter to self. Poignant and powerful because you had to remind yourself to be a child and pause to enjoy life, be human, love and forgive. Nice read. Shalom.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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