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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ringdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 1171
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1576



    Description:
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    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ringdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A million years ago, maybe more,
    A small circle of bone
    Carved with primitive hands,
    Placed upon a thin leather string
    To prove a love that could not be explained.
    A love the very stars and many moons had decreed.
    The warrior; alone and ostracized,
    Alone but for the love and the ring.

    A thousand years ago, give or take,
    A warrior again, battle scarred now
    With the heavy shoulders of Atlas,
    And the weary expression of Venus de Milo.
    A band of silver, with crown and heart
    Clasped hands that hold the love
    On a thin leather string.
    Comfort that takes the place of the one she wants.

    A week ago, to the day,
    I fingered the small silver band that rested
    Against my chest on a leather string.
    That little ring that hung with the weight of twelve thousand miles,
    Bringing me happiness and peace of mind,
    And a ghost of doubt.
    As I held it in my hand, eyes watering,
    I thought of every night I kissed it,
    I thought of every time I held it and wished,
    I thought of every time I explained what it was.
    As I cut off that leather sting
    That had rested upon me for years,
    I thought of every bitter word,
    Of the very last resolution,
    I thought of my errupting sense of betrayal.
    And yours.
    The string slipped from my neck like a small noose,
    The ring fell to my trembling hand.
    And I clutched it tightly,
    And locked it away.




    Submitted on 2005-07-12 19:14:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful work. The first and second stanza are more than adequate, but it's the third where things shine.

    Momentoes and little trinkets can sometimes create a different kind of pain. A bit of time after a loss, we begin to accept that the person is gone from our lives or maybe we accept their new role. Then we find that the physical things have memories and habits of their own. Memories of happy times in the past, habits that are no longer valid.

    This poem has got me thinking, as so many of yours do. You have a rare talent for observing and sharing your observations.

    Thanks
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this piece hit me harder than it was meant to. I remember, many, many years ago removing a bracelet that had symbolized my high-school sweethearts love for me. The bracelet hadn't left my wrist since he had put it on three years earlier. We had both agreed to break it off, but it didn't make the hurt, or sense of loss, any less.

    The other sense of loss for me is knowing that something that has been a constant in your life, for as long as I've known you, has changed. I can see the physical difference, and understand the emotion change it signifies.

    The poem is excellent as you convey the significance of the symbol with other's stories and tie your own into the ending. Very nicely done.

    Thanks for sharing,
    I hope to see you at Embers...
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello Rachel,
    This made me happy when I read it. Why, you will probably ask?
    The answer is, one more demon slain, and you are moving forward to a new beginning. That is why it made me happy.

    You have closed this door, now it is time to move on to the next. And I know that you will prevail. You are too strong not to.

    This was a great piece, and know my friend that I will be here cheering on the sidelines when you conquor your next beast.

    Till then...
    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      So beautiful. Exquisitely passionate. I would change nothing about it, except perhaps the last line... the repetition of "And" at the beginning of the line is... repetitious. I would suggest changing that last "And" to "Then". Completely your choice, obviously, however. Other than that... Wow. To my faves' it goes. Thank you for this poem.
    -Adaria <3
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Adaria | [ Reply to This ]
      That was so eloquently, exquisitely, familiarly painful... I want to eat it. I want to eat your poem, that embodiment of the little ring that hangs with the weight of twelve thousand miles, because even still wearing my own, the regret of every bitter or unkind word - even those yet to come - stings insufferably. What a great emotional snapshot, this. I want to eat it.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Lost Blue | [ Reply to This ]
      This was right on time. In the beginning very nostalgic which I thought was fitting. Girl, then you broke it down. Quite clever. That ring represented love. The love that use to be is no longer. When the ring was cut off the string and locked away, the time for new beginnings started. Closure to what was is complete. This was a very passionate poem. Real good! A great write! If that person is you in your poem, I wish you all the best to new beginnings. take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      Of the very last resolution,
    I thought of my errupting sense of betrayal.
    And yours.
    The string slipped from my neck like a small noose,
    The ring fell to my trembling hand.
    And I clutched it tightly,
    And locked it away.

    Its true what you said about the bone, that was torn to become a lasting charm. It holds more then what eyes can see and less then what the mind can fathom. However, it appears you captured what the heart of the ring was thinking and where it wanted to be so you allowed yourself to become the character of a ring and adjust to its abilities by stating simple facts and opinions. I hope that that made since.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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