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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: O.D.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 789



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsO.D.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    O.D. on these pills I take
    End this life Today.
    I'm sick of this blade
    It could never finish the job.
    So I take these pills.
    So I don't feel the pain and hatred I store deep down my cold heart.
    My heart grows colder with each day of the rising of the sun and the setting of the moon.
    They think these pills help
    I just use them to get a high
    I get So very high
    and I don't want never come down from this cloud.
    because the past scares me and the future petrifies me
    15 years old already drinking, smoking, having sex.
    So I take these pills to run away
    sometimes i wish i could fly away
    Into the night sky
    So very high
    and not come down from the cloud.




    Submitted on 2005-07-13 08:26:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is by far a real down to earth piece. i myself went through this, but not with pills. you really brought out the internal struggle for this situation and i loved this "the past scares me and the future petrifies me". that was a excellent line. keep writng more, cause i want to read more. take it easy

    - kase
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i pretty much feel that this was me in a nutshell at 14 though and a girl. but i love it because i could relate to it on a very personal level......you should read some more of my stuff and maybe you'll feel the same....damn
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by shayla8911 | [ Reply to This ]
      ummm... that was okay, I guess, if I was goin to kill myself I would take pills too. I doubt that I would ever consider suicide though. I htought the flow was kinda off a lil bit. It was alil depressing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      O.D. on these pills I take
    End this life Today.
    I'm sick of this blade
    It could never finish the job.


    that was what got me interrested.i thinkt hat was a great way to start.i know what its like to want to stay on that cloud in a way.but this was good.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by endmypain | [ Reply to This ]
      well, the poem is very dark, there are no spelling errors and the flow of the poem is there from the begining to end, the on'y thing that i can say you should fix is maybe putting it into stanzas
    EX.
    "O.D. on these pills I take
    End this life Today.
    I'm sick of this blade
    It could never finish the job.

    So I take these pills.
    So I don't feel the pain and
    hatred I store deep down my
    cold heart. My heart grows colder
    with each day of the rising of the
    sun and the setting of the moon."
    it could mkae it a little easier to read and it could help with the flow.
    and i'd have to say that my favorite lines would be

    "sometimes i wish i could fly away
    Into the night sky
    So very high
    and not come down from the cloud."

    and i like these because it discribes running away or just getting away and i'm sure at one point in time we have all wanted to just get away from our lives to think things through.

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      this is different from the rest of the ones ive read from you and even tho it broke my heart it was also i great piece of writing
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by I want dark | [ Reply to This ]


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