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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Standing In The Stormdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 815
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 820



    Description:
       This is just about not knowing what to do...I feel like I need to make some effort into the future but I don't even know where to begin.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStanding In The Stormdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm standing in this road
    the skies are threatening to cry
    they get darker and tell me they're lonely
    the clouds roll by and they grow heavy

    under my feet the asphalt grows hot
    all around me I feel trapped
    my body is pulled under the pressure
    pressure that comes from the stress and anxiety of my life

    I'm standing in these crossroads
    my path is so unknown
    I don't have a clue where to begin
    my heart has no preference and logic is lost to me

    but this pressure tells me to move on
    cause it's about to storm where I am standing
    my heart is humid
    the sky threatens tears
    and I'm walking with my eyes closed because
    I don't know where I am going




    Submitted on 2005-07-13 12:15:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like it. and i don't think that it is very bad at all. i don't really think you need to fix anything, except the last to lines, don't really make sense.

    "and I'm walking with my eyes closed because
    I don't know where i am going."

    Well first of all, if you didn't know where you were going, wouldn't you walk with your eyes open? i think you should take out the "Because" and put a comma in place of that:

    "and I'm walking with my eyes closed,
    I don't know where i am going"

    something like that. it is a little mistake, but it changes the whole interpretation of the story. well, anyways, this was great and i did like it. Great work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      Well now...it is very stright to the point and ver well written. I think this write is one of the few that answers its own question if ever oh so subtly. Walk the direction from which the storm came, ya know? Because all that storms leave behind them are calm and peaceful skies. Anyway, thats just what I get from this. I thought it was a very poignant write and I did enjoy reading it. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it when you said the skies about to cry and your heart is humid. Very nice usage of words there. I believe that people constantly frete over what's next, how they're going to resolves current problems. Personally, I sa go with the flow. DOn't worry what's next. What happens, happens. Well, that's what I got fom it and my opinion. Good goin'. Also, I enjoyed reading, "My Eyes", I'm just too lazy to post at two places at the moment. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, if you'd quit calling the damn rain, you wouldn't have to worry about moving. Just kidding. This one is really pretty... the indecision of what to do, the apathy of not really giving a damn either way. I think you're awesome!
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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