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sometimes help is not enough

Author: fallingingreen
ASL Info:    18/f/missouri
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 136 /141 /34
Words: 100
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1020
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 598


sometimes help is not enough

lay me down in this bed of thorns
made of broken paint brushes
used to scratch this shattered image
across peeling canvasas made of empty hearts
watch as i catch the night in my arms
screaming into the blanket of infinity
my cries are muffled by stars stuffed down my throat
caught in a ray of lost sunsets
sent to rise before the moon has had its chance
to erupt into the wonders of time
SOS messages confused in a tangle of wires
diving into a code trying to free me
from what hates me the most..

Submitted on 2005-07-13 12:55:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I don't think I understand this very well. It's very well written, and as everyone has already let you know, the metaphors are great. I geuss I just look for deeper purpose in peoples writing, like why they specifically chose this word rather than that word, does that make sense? And I can't find it here, maybe thats good? I dunno, I just don't understand. Sorry I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, I hope I don't.

Take care,
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  if i were to describe this in one word, it would have to be, "wow". this is a truly remarkable piece of poetry you have here. the imagery is so vivid and it makes you see it instead of hinting around, hoping you'll get it.
this piece made me feel really sad but it just felt so good that i can't help but love what you've done.
keep them coming,
-the wildchild
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the metaphors in here there are really quite good. I like the line: "SOS messages..." But for whatever reason, something wasn't clicking entirely. I don't know what it was though. I really enjoyed it after reading it twice. But the first time through, I didn't like it as much, but now, I really quite love the writing. It's a sad story, but it is still good. This prolly is something people suffer from depression can relate to. But please don't ever give up hope. God will always see you through...
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by vbnz | [ Reply to This ]
  This is interesting. I like the thought but I have one suggestion. "Caught in a web of lost sunsets" would sound better if you said "Caught in a ray of lost sunsets". Just my opinion. Otherwise a good write. Sad but good! Take care.
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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