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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lure of the Neon Gardendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Von Django
    ASL Info:    32/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 119/148/32
    Words: 275
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 222
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1573



    Description:
       Havent tried doing a short in while, hope you enjoy....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLure of the Neon Gardendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lying in the crook of the cresent moon,
    a solemn youth watches the earth below.
    A pair of soft, creamy feathers caress him, absent mindedly wrapping him tight, protecting him from the chill touch of the black void around him. Just to feel something, these thrills, the kind he never felt under the white light. Right under His gaze, in the garden that has slowly forsaken him, in its honeycombs of microchip and steel. It calls to the youth, a digital siren's song, squealing binary in a frequency he can't comprehend. Promises of a new body, one of wires and code, buzzing not with divine light but the hum of cold, calculating electricity, bid him to stand on the edge of his celestial observatory. He spreads his wings, gloriously naked against the stars, and takes a final look at the inky dark that surrounds him. Then, kicking off with both his feet, arms and wings outstretched, he falls in a cloud of glittering dust. Closer and closer to the beacon of neon, crawling with filth and inspiration. He hits the orbit hard, the ravaged atmosphere scorching his fair skin as he falls. Plummenting, he sheds his tattered, blackened wings, while golden hair flames like a divine comet of old. Cream cracks and cooks to a tanned shell, purging him, like the white hot fires he thought he never wanted to feel. Then, at last, soothing cloud cools his body, its chemical embrace corrupting every pore of his ruined flesh. Burnt lips sigh and breathe in this new world, ragged and imperfect, smiling in a moment of sinful serenity.





    Submitted on 2005-07-13 14:31:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there Django, finally got some free time so I finished the second part of my pulp story, and since you seem to be the only one interested in reading something more than a page in length, I thought I'd tell you. Then what did I find? This short story (or prose poem, whatever you'd like to call it). You're imagery here is fantastic, man; and not just because the words you use are vivid, but because they have meaning. I see that others who read this thought you were talking about angels. Pfah! This is about man and his new garden. Eden never looked so good to me (actually, I take that back; there's a girl I know named Eden {who's pretty hot anyway}, and last Halloween she wore this amazing nurse's outfit... but I'm getting away from my point). The link you establish between the modern world and the Garden of Eden and between fantasy and reality is genuinely inspired. We'll build our own paradise, and let in however many snakes we want.

    Great writing here, Django. Keep it up. You have talent.
    -Chris

    P.S. Love the title.
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      That was amazing imagery...my guess is that it's about the fall of Lucifer, but that's just me. He preffered the filth of the world over the soothing light of heaven and the soft embrace of God. He embraced the fire and the disease and the infection. But beyond my interpretations, your imagery is mind blowing. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it alot. I was a little confused as to where the man fell from and to. Was he and angel, coming to earth? You use words like microchip and steel, is he trapped in a computer of sorts? Knowing this stuff will help me understand and appreciate this story more.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]



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