Description: I was sittin in algebra today-all bored n depressed n stuff-when i decided to try sumtin i never tried be4 with sumtin i never tried be4. Ive never written a haiku be4 and i wanted to try writting a set of related ones. did it work? did i mess up the haiku guidelines (in truth, all i had was my brain which only remembered the 5/7/5 syllable thingy) OH! "UNBRIGHT": i like to make up words, is that bad for poetry? and: is the connection clear? i thought it might not be....
The last is so sad Something in it calls to me In yesterday's voice
Couldn't resist. There is a lovely continuity of emotion between your haiku pieces: failing, fading, falling... and the continuity - of sound, but not of feeling - breaks, very much like a fall, with "Sweet memories sing..." The flow from one facet to the next - because all of these, collectively, seem like various facets of a single emotion you'd been turning over and over in your mind - is clever without seeming forced or prescriptive. There is no sense that you set out to rend four drops of blood from this single stony emotion of loss and regret and nostalgia. You seem to have done it quite naturally, with a genuinely subconscious outpouring straight from your heart through your pen. And I think "unbright" is fantastic! One of the amazing things about poetry in general is that it is fundamentally just a particular arrangement of words we all see every day... but arranged creatively, they can be made to reflect infinite emotional power. Made-up words are the nucleus of that kind of genius. Great word!
Submission Name: Broken
