With This Last Breath by intoxicated411

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Submission Name: With This Last Breath dots

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Author:	intoxicated411
ASL Info:	14/f/earth
Elite Ratio:	2.38 - 45/60/28
Words:	127

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	246
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	714

Description:
the poems pretty self explainatory...have fun!!

With This Last Breath dots

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With this last breath
I will tell you that I love you
I will sing a song for you,
A song of beautiful endless love...
A love that I will die with.
And with this last breath
I will give you all my heart and soul.
And I will prepare to let go of all my memories
And all my love and you so sad, begging me to not let go.
To not let go of this beautiful spirit i hold deep within.
I see your frightened face through my tears and your last words to me are "I wont let you down."
Then with my last longest, saddest, deepest, dying breath,
I kiss you goodbye, and slowly slip away from your gentle embrace into deaths darkness.

Submitted on 2005-07-13 22:47:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  very passionate
you captured the last moments
like it is an exact occurance that
happened to you.
it did seem long~tho you may have felt that it was all necissary it was too drawn out
but it was still beautiful
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by I want dark | [ Reply to This ]
  With this last breath
I will tell you that I love you.
I will sing a song for you,
A song of beautiful
Endless love...
A love that I will die with.

And with this last breath
I will give you all
My heart and soul.
And I will prepare to let go
Of all my memories.

And all my love
And you so sad,
Begging me to not let go.
To not let go
Of this beautiful spirit
I hold deep within.

I see your frightened face
Through my tears
And your last words to me are
"I wont let you down."

Then with my last longest,
Saddest, deepest, dying breath,
I kiss you goodbye,
And slowly slip away
From your gentle embrace
Into death's darkness.

This was just a suggestion on the 'look' of it. Keeping the lines roughly equal, and breaking up this poem into stanzas for more manageable bites. Do you see what I mean? What do you think? As I said, this is just a suggestion. Hope this helps....

Peace,
Jase
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Kinda sad and depressing. I do like the poem, however. I can feel the love that she has for him and that really makes me like the poem. A simple poem that speaks volumes...bravo!
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Mahoganii | [ Reply to This ]

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