Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 689
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 769
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4143



    Description:
       This was written exactly a week after Flip dumped me. Bear with me, it's long, but if you read it all, I don't think you'll be disappointed. It still brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. I was a different person when I wrote this.
    It's incredible how one minute can just drag on and on when you're grieving. I was amazed at how slowly everything passed, and I took it in stages... If I just make it through one minute, one hour, one day, etc. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You told me you were leaving
    I was compelled to stare at your face
    You were completely blank as you looked in the mirror
    There wasn't the slightest trace
    Of that beautiful person that I loved
    Your body was just a shell
    The outer covering of the soul
    Who choose to put me through this hell
    I watched you pack your things
    Your eyes were completely dead
    I sobbed for another try
    As I gently kissed your head.
    It's only been one minute
    Since you walked out that door
    Taking all my hopes and dreams
    Of the love we had before
    Your eyes were so, so cold
    Like ice that would not crack
    The tears just began and I pray
    I pray that you'll come back.

    It feels like I've talked for hours
    Yet it has only been a short while
    I just keep saying that we can't end
    I know I'm in denial
    How could you just throw me away
    I was supposed to be your wife
    Or that was my hope for where we would lead
    I wanted to share your life
    I just can not believe that you left
    A part of me has died
    I look at the growing puddle
    Of the salty tears that I've cried
    It's only been one hour
    Since I had to tell you goodbye
    The house already feels empty
    I've just begun to cry
    They say I have to pull together
    And that I have to carry on
    But I just can't keep from thinking
    I can't believe you're gone.

    I tried to drown my sorrows last night
    Tried to numb the pain
    These long, lonely hours that pass
    Are driving me insane
    Are you thinking of me?
    Are you wondering if I'm okay?
    Or are you spending your time with the one
    Who destroyed my life yesterday?
    All I can think is that you and I,
    We used to be so right
    And the hurt won't pass, and the tears haven't slowed
    And I still have to see you tonight.
    It's only been one day
    Since you broke my heart in two
    All that was good and happy in me
    Walked out the door with you
    I try to look past the blackness,
    Trying not to look at what I lack
    And the wound in my heart that is still so fresh
    Says you're never coming back.

    I still find it hard to eat,
    To sleep, to smile, to take a breath
    And though I'll always hope for more
    I know that this is really the death
    Of all the good times that we had
    Your laughter, your smile, and your kiss
    Are almost always on my mind
    But your love is the main thing I miss
    I keep having to watch you walk away
    I keep asking you why
    The tears just won't stop coming
    How much can one person cry?
    It's only been one week
    But it seems like so many years
    The hours stretch and my composure breaks
    You'd think I'd be out of tears.
    I just can't let you go this soon
    I can't just put you away in the past
    You are the one I gave my heart to
    We had a love that was made to last.

    I don't know what to do with myself
    It seems it's been so long
    Since I held you in my arms and kissed you
    I still ask everyone what I did wrong
    I know I'll always love you
    No one can ever take that away
    I've tried to see past the mark you've made,
    To forget about those arms in which I used to lay
    Sometimes I think I've dried up,
    That no more tears can fall
    But then I see your happy face
    And I can feel it all.
    It's only been one year
    Since you ripped my world apart
    I find that life is dark and cold
    Living outside your heart
    Somehow I manage not to cry
    When I hear your name
    You were the only one I ever loved
    And I'll never be the same.




    Submitted on 2005-07-14 09:21:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem hit me right at home! I am sorry to say, but I was in a very similar situation. I recently broke-up with my girlfriend, and this is how she felt. While reading this poem, I began to feel remorse, but then I remember why I did it and all that went away. In this piece it seems like this guy left you for another girl. But my situation wasn't like that. I left because of her, but she is in some deep denial, so therefore she feels like this. But she doesn't want to face the true facts! Whoa! why I am explaining all of this? Anyways I loved your poem! I was actually somewhat emotionally touched! Very few can do!
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
      This was and is fantastic can honestly see why you recommended this one. Am going to look on other ones now this was again amazing. Good to know you've come through this time though and are probably stronger for it now
    John
    x
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this was amazing...it's probably not the same thing...but my boyfriend doesn't live near me and everytime he leaves..even though we're still together..it feels like the end of us...goodbyes are the hardest thing on this earth and watching someone leave when all you want them to do is stay...is...unbearable. You captured that so well here...take care ok? Great job. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      i know exactly how that feels.y ou feel like your whole life is ending and nothing will fix it except that one person who has destroyed it.but they dont want to.all because of anohter girl.i like it.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by endmypain | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems you needed to pour your heart out, and that's what you did here. It gave away every bit of the emotion that it was written with, and I hope that you're feeling better than how you were when you wrote this. I find it often ironical that some of the best stuff flows out of the pen when the writer feels the worst. Excellent piece of emotion.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]
      That was so good. It really struck a chord. A painful one, but a chord. I strated crying by like the fourth line and didn't really stop until the end. Funny sometimes how the deepest of sorrows can be so beautiful.Not that I'm an expert on love or heartache but it hopefully will get better. So going on my favorites though.
    Keep up the good work.
    -catina

    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Boom-boom | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    66529

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry