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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The last tear dropdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1261
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 585



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe last tear dropdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing on his balcony
    A man prepare to jump
    Trying to take over his agony
    But his life is just a dump

    So he gently close his eyes
    Spraid his arms to feel the wind
    Then to a deap breath an jumped

    The fear took over him
    He didn't wanted to crash down anymore
    Thinking about hi wife and daughter
    But it was all finished

    All the man left behind
    Was a street filled with blood
    And a tears drop falling behind him
    But why?

    No one will ever know...




    Submitted on 2005-07-14 11:17:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I dislike how you rhymed in the first stanza ABAB and then cut it off... it's frustrating when poets do this... I also had a prblem with the ending "No one will ever know" It just seemed like a rather cheesy way to finish this piece... I do like how you put in how he suddenly changed his mind mid jump because it really does happen that way... I know because I attempted suicide before I swallowed a bottle of Percocet 10s and drank about a fifth of vodka and only after I had resigned myself to death did I think of what I was leaving behind... I called 911 and told them what I did and then I was rushed to the hospital... That charcoal sht they give you is horrible by the way... Anyway, though I didn't like the abrupt end to the rhyme and I think the ending could use some work, I liked this piece because it was real... It really happens like this... I mean I thought ahead and left a note when I did it, but I can easily imagine a guy just impulsively deciding to die and not telling anyone why... Good job, keep up the writing
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats like (and don't freak out, it is an old habbit) everytime I touched the blade to my wrist to finally end it all, I would think of everything in my life. My sisters, my brothers, my mom, my dad...my nephew and niece...they would grow up never knowing me...then I would think about how my nephews father had died before the child was even born...and I think to myself "Do I wish this upon the child? Must he go through this again...who am I to do this to the ones I hold so close to my heart." Death always seems a good outlet to getting through the pain...but think of all the pain you cause by doing so. You leave so much behind...things you took for granted...people you thought never really cared...but you were hurting so bad, you shut yourself off...so they weren't able to show you hw much you really meant to them. *Sighs* People don't just "get over" the things in there past...but ending your future is never the right answer.

    ...sorry...off on one of my rants again...
    Thank you for allowing me to think and share my thoughts.
    Bon
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      There are a few missed letters, and I don't quite grasp i t: if he loved his family, why did he kill himself? It's very sad, but seems like an original poem, and...um... I don't really have much to say...sorry...

    ~Cruella DeVille~
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. Nice piece. Really emotional.
    I have to ask, is there any connection to this piece and your journal?
    Um...I know this is a very emotional piece and I hate pointing out things, but they are really noticable. There are some spelling errors, they look like you were in a hurry and just forgot a letter.
    Good piece

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      It so sad it's when you realize what you lost that it matters. Your poem seem realistic of someone with second thoughts. I think the man did not want to die but wanted relief from the problems of lie instead. He saw his drastic plan unfoil before his eyes. But it was to late. Could the tear drop show his last plea for help unanwsered? Or regret for what he just done? Anyways, this a good poem. You pulled the reader in to this man's pain.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      first let me say i like your photo pic / the poem of a man at the end of his rope ... now thats deep ... i like the poem .../. its got a sharp dagger to-it .
    J W I
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]


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