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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eternity's Actionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: raincloud
    Elite Ratio:    5.49 - 53/55/18
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1087
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 858



    Description:
       le tme know what you think...and be brutal, i need it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEternity's Actionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dead matter schisms
    Light purges darkness
    Unacknowledged, uncomprehended,
    I create in myself, light
    Thought separates sleep
    And puts it to recess;
    Away into darkness.

    In distant fog,
    Opportunity sheds its peel
    A glowing ember emerges
    Its light touches all men
    Pressing towards their hearts...
    It is the simplicity of love in action,
    Searching and confounding death,
    Serving hope
    Bringing life

    Yet still,
    In offense to the offer
    With hate and distrust
    As the only motivation
    Some choose emptyness over life;
    Continuing in darkness
    For nothing and no one
    Damning forever
    Their choice of reality...
    While light begs the question

    Of Eternity's actions




    Submitted on 2005-07-14 12:25:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i find your writing style intriguing if a bit contridicting and jumpy. I hate admitting when thier are peices of writing i just don't get but this one i have to say i don't. Iv'e reread it three times and each time i seem to leach out a different concept.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by WandWielder | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't understand your poem and i find it almost impossible to be brutle in my feed back. but here it goes! well actually now that i have reread it it reminds me of my exboyfriend who just got locked up for aggrivatrd stalking... I think its about the choices of letting people in to your life or blocking them out and become a loner aka a one man island. or atleast thats what i got from it. if thats not what t is please tell me! as for the poem its self... I found it intreging and is soon to be on my favs list. I don't have any nit picking to do on it. I liked the style and the way you used puncution however some of it was contradictory but that may be what you intended. The over all flow of the peice was well laid out. sorry but i don't have any nit picking to do on the poem.
    Hannah!
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Devils Angel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    66542

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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