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    dots Submission Name: Down The Pre-Apocalyptic Edgedots

    Author: Abort_Chaotic
    ASL Info:    19 almost 20
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 201/172/50
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1150

       I wrote this a little faster than normal, still trying to get my edge on my dark poetic style again. Please leave comments please.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDown The Pre-Apocalyptic Edgedots

    Prodding blunt lances of hate,
    take that syringe,
    no blood runs through these vains.
    Let's see what you find in this empty mind.
    Follow this pre-apocalyptic bridge,
    untill you meet the edge,
    There you will be I and you,(not you and I.)
    for I will be the master,
    you the disgrace.
    My slithering rage for your race,
    your kind.
    This time, don't be so blind.
    Kneeling down to me now,
    your master,
    will give you the heinous smite down the edge.
    Don't you see,
    I have acquired my destiny.
    Through a conquered heart,
    it's meaningless for your act to start.

    For the more,
    crawling with fathoming rage,
    starting this post-apoclyptic melodic scream,
    this wrenching terror, ( Of just my simple minions tearing at your virgin flesh, flames engulf you. Isn't it wonderful? )
    My blood tugs to see you cry that ruby river,
    trip yourself into my unknown,
    can't wait to see your existance deplete,
    into nothing but history of what's obsolete.

    Submitted on 2005-07-14 15:16:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      That...I must say is incredible. The power I felt...
    The hurt completely overcome with hatred.I loved it. I can really feel you when you spoke of being empty.Perfect word usage. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      mm...the meaty smell of betrayal. This is pretty good, but it has some minor errors, but otherwise, it has a decent imagery and a pretty good meter. Good stuff, even if dark poetry isn't my favorite genre.

    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very dark and seemed to be directed at someone who betrayed you.

    The flow was good and the content was intense and well done.

    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      YOur peom gives me the shivers.
    On your second stanza I suggest making

    ( Of just my simple minions tearing at your virgin flesh

    another line or giving its own line.

    Otherwise I love the weight in your voice and the power of the words...
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]

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