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    dots Submission Name: Brokendots

    Author: Adaria
    ASL Info:    20/F/AR
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 39/38/14
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 665
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 608

       Venting, I guess you could say. A protest to a long-standing lifestyle that I couldn't pretend to have anymore.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The sturdy rock, cold and hard against my feet
    Breaking my skin, causing undescribable pain
    And I look out toward the soft sand
    Gazing desperately
    Reaching it with only my eyes
    Tears fall from my cheeks hitting the harsh rock
    I wish for the welcoming sand
    And I think of how refreshing it would be to sink down
    To sink into it's comfort
    To rest in it's give, availability in each step
    But the dead rock is all I feel, all I know
    I curl up on it's cruel surface,
    And I continue to cry for the comforting sand.

    Submitted on 2005-07-14 19:20:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really love this piece.
    very wonderfully done.
    portrayed so beautifully.
    wonderfully written so that the reader can feel your pain.
    see this person and their hurt.
    really could feel every word as it stabbed at your heart.
    wonderful job-
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      OH boy, oh boy can I understand. Things are going rough for you I take it? Yeah, life aint that easy overall is it? Keep your chin up hun, and a smile on your face:O)

    I could feel this piece as being a relationship piece. You're with your man now (the hard rock because things have grown cold) and all you want is to be with someone more loose...the sand. Or, you're having a tough life over all and you want to pay a visit to the other side of the green grass to see what its like. Just remember, sand has shards of broken glass all over it.

    Anyway, we all need our venting, and for a venting piece this was good. I know normally people dont like looking at other people and feeding them pity, but you didnt ask for pity, so I'm surprised you haevnt gotte any comments yet.

    The piece in itself, was good. Didnt have much puntuation but punctuation shmuchtiation? Yeah.

    I enjoyed reading it, not that that means much. Your rock and sand metaphor, was great however. Great job, and sorry I havent much to say against it!


    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

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