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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: first on halloweendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shes automatic
    ASL Info:    17/f/ky
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 47/62/13
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 964



    Description:
       this title directly coincides with the poem, and when all this took place. it is about a love i no longer have; and that i'm probably living healthier without.
    be kind.<3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfirst on halloweendots
    -------------------------------------------


    my body is a symmetry of twists and tangles
    when i'm around you i'm such a molding
    of what this should all look like

    your face is no longer the stars
    nor was it a sparkling object in my mind
    just a blurry shape of tans and blacks that intercrossed with our kisses

    your skinny arms laced all around
    my eyes closed tight constantly darting about
    my brains repeating

    dizzy dizzy dizzy
    stumbling my legs around awkwardly feeling like a drunk
    freezing cold when it's over.
    we're out and on the sidewalks, racing racing.

    kiss me in front of everyone; i wasn't scared.
    walked back watching kids in their costumes on pavement running....
    my head floated off my shoulders and if for one moment i could have seen clear i would have known.


    you're going to be the death of me.




    Submitted on 2005-07-15 00:35:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmmmmmm sounds like this could be about me skinny arms haha that's just what makes em think it's me I really liked it ambuh I love your oems and I wrote the second part of Child Of The Dark you should chekc it out if u like the first one love you lady

    Logan
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice realization of the torsion that develops when desires become overwhelming. It seems to twist the body out of shape and make the mind giddy. It almost sounds like a first true love. Nice primarily because the honesty makes it fresh.
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it.

    your face is no longer the stars
    nor was it a sparkling object in my mind
    just a blurry shape of tans and blacks that intercrossed with our kisses

    This especially. I love things that have to do with stars... and when that coincides with kissing, I fall in love. ;)

    kiss me in front of everyone; i wasn't scared.

    I love that too. Feel the same way, but my boyfriend seems to care... kind of sad. But anyway. I love this one. Good job, keep 'em coming. :D
    -Adaria <3
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by Adaria | [ Reply to This ]
      Talk about a lot of symbolism. (I hate that word because it makes me think of school!) But this really does have a lot of symbolic meaning to it. I like the idea of "arms laced all around" as well as "stumbling my legs around". It brings this piece to life in my mind. The last stanze is great. Sort of like a declaration of, screw everyone else I love you, sort of thing. :) The ending line is so powerful. I'm glad you decided to keep it alone. That line could mean you are going to be the death of me in a tramatic kind of way but I think it's more of you'll spend the rest of your life with that person. Just a thought. I loved it! Great job sweetheart! Hugs! <3

    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


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    66641

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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