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    dots Submission Name: From the Heartdots

    Author: hammyj
    ASL Info:    21/m/Notts UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 130/81/21
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1124

       Just like to know how it makes you feel/think etc. Please comment
    Thanks for Reading

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrom the Heartdots

    With a blackened heart and a soul deceived
    All alone with a mind that bleeds.
    With all the Whys,
    Hows and what ifs
    That could have been done,
    To prevent this.

    All this grief needs to pass over
    Like your love for this Casanova.
    Itís hard to swallow the prescription
    Given out
    In one, Ďminorí revelation.

    Sit in the dark up against the wall
    Itís too much exertion to move, walk or crawl.
    Wanting for you to see what youíve done
    But donít come round Iím not seeing anyone.

    Bloods stopped pumping. Running through cold.
    Giving the world for your face to hold.
    Just one more time, we didnít say goodbye
    Wonít you come back and dry the tears in my eye?

    This makes you smile and laugh with your friends
    Just so you know my worlds at an end!
    But donít worry about me, not that you will
    Itís only my Being that you have killed!

    But all in all in your new life of leisure
    Itís good to know my Pain is your Pleasure.

    Submitted on 2005-07-15 06:43:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one full of feeling. A feeling i think most ppl have been though at some point in life and to some exstent some more painful and harder then others. and to read this poem and to feel some for your own oair thought it. Makes me feel You when though a really hard one. but the test of life is how you bounce back from it.
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by Cokesu | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this write, there was so much pain but I felt it for/with you a little more with every word. personally I think almost every poem is original in some way becuz even if a million people are feeling heartbroken and write about it at the same time you do, this is YOUR writing and what YOU are feeling and that makes it just as powerful as the first poem ever written about it. again, I really liked this one, I don't think I'd change a thing, the flow was a bit off in a few places but I honestly didn't think it took away from the final write. there were two sets of lines that stuck out the most to me,
    "All this grief needs to pass over,
    like your love for this Casanova."
    ::was just a very good connection in my mind::
    and your last two lines, I just thought they drew a good end, and I don't know you well enough to tell if that was intended sarcasm, or if you genuinly meant that their happiness meant more then your pain, because generally if/when I say that/think it about a guy I mean the second. great write.
    take care,
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. A solid piece, good rhyming, good structure. My favorite part was definitely the first stanza-I don't know why, it was just amazing.

    Good job, keep it up.

    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem. The rhyming was great, the meaning was even better. But one thing I must point out is that the second stanza was a little hard to understand, but my rhythm that I had going went wacky in there somewhere. I think you may need to go back through that one and fix it just a smig to make it easier to understand. But all in all, this was a great poem. Looking foward to reading more from you.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by SorrowfulMind | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is great...and as I was reading this I was like, this is my fav stanza and then I read more and I was like oh no this was, you are awesome man...it only got better throughout the ending.

    And the person that commented before me...dummy head...just to let you know my opinion should be valued much much more. ;)

    Much Love
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Well,I'm guessing this is a breaking up poem.All in all it was pretty good,it wasn't that original,I mean there are tons of "you hurt me" poems,but it's not a bad thing you wrote it ya know.The only thing,the last 2 lines,you wrote pleasure,which doesn't rhyme with leisure.Good job though.
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by ColdinSummer | [ Reply to This ]

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