[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Close My Eyesdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1247

       This just seemed appropriate after the events of this morning... Tell me what you get out of it ;)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClose My Eyesdots

    I close my eyes and you whisper
    "Baby, are you okay?"
    My eyes stay closed and I nod my head
    I just don't have much to say
    I close my eyes and you kiss me
    I have to open my eyes
    I gaze at you almost stupidly
    You grin up from between my thighs
    I close my eyes when I feel you
    Feel your tongue and your teeth and your lips
    I close my eyes and I moan in delight
    I can't help but wiggle my hips
    I close my eyes as you kiss me again
    And I taste myself in your mouth
    I close my eyes when you're inside of me
    I close your eyes when you pull back out
    I close my eyes when you make love to me
    Not because I don't want to look at you
    I close my eyes because you feel so good
    When you do these things you do
    I open my eyes, there's intensity
    Your eyes stare straight into me
    And I close my eyes because I'm afraid
    I'll fall in love again with what I see
    So I close my eyes when I'm with you
    Close them to protect my heart
    And I'll keep them closed when I'm with you
    Until you can pry my eyelids apart.

    Submitted on 2005-07-15 11:42:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is beyound the sexual, even though it is expressed as such, it reminds me so much of someone I love, parts to a tee actually...and how I had to be there patient with her, until her eyelids actually opened from knowing what true love was.
    Very strong work, seems just about all yours are such.
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      sexual and with depth..excellent combo!

    I really enjoyed this peice and though the flow was not as smooth as some of your other pieces this one is going to my fav list...mostly because i can personally relate...

    word of advice...no use in keeping your eyes closed when you leave your heart wide open ;)

    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This was like whoa! builds you up and builds you up, then like slams you down slowly. It was very erotic as I have found are many of your pieces. You ask to know what we get out of it...what i got out of it was assurance...
    That I am not the only woman who trys so hard not to feel inevitability. You are an excellent writer to be able to continously piece after piece able to convey such strong emotions. Thank You.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by pretty_kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds like your comment page saz it all some things should be left under the covers of life
    not my topic to write about but to each their own
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Jaz...after the first few lines I felt that I should stop...but only because you are my cousin and I really don't want to know about your sex life with Tony...

    But this was a really good poem...The rhyme was good. You did very well at describeing things...

    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this! I really like the way you write! Your imagery is amazing..I feel like I'm right there in your poems with you..even though if I was in this one it might be a little awkward..lol..but this was great. Totally made me want my boyfriend right now! Great job! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      THis was soooo hard for me to finish reading...but I will try and give you a "professional" comment on the poem and pretend that I don't know you as a sister and that I don't know TOny as whatever the hell he is to me now...

    The rhymes were perfect and you did really well getting your point across and your meaning across while still keeping your flawless rhymes.That is your talent.Nice One.
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This has good form, but it seems that you ar esharing more of yourself with us than most people would ever deram to do. I like that you show alot of feeling, but maybe it's to much.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]