Description: little bit of me. I know it's feeding the reader... but this is what I felt like I needed to say at the time. I basically just wanted to post this so that anyone who cared to know a little more about me could. This was written a couple of months ago, and I don't necessarily feel this way anymore, but there's still hints of this in my head...
and, just to clarify, when I say "I long for a death" it doesn't necessarily mean I want to die or I want someone else to die. I see changes in my past, and when one part of my life ends and another begins, I call it "a death". so... don't be too freaked, or anything...
my contradiction -------------------------------------------
i live a contradiction
self-worth that is too high whilst being too low
i want to be noticed, yet the imploring eyes annoy me,
scare me, and i question my reason for existence
seemingly two people in one body, fighting for dominance
what am i supposed to be?
sideshow, or main attraction?
to fuse the two together seems perfection,
life haunts me, yet death seems childish
damn confusion, i beg for clarity
i plead for security, for a new innocence
but innocence hardly exists
i long for a death, all my fresh starts have resulted from a death
suffocating life, yet i live
but whose life is it?
I have felt many similar thoughts at different times during my life. What the poem made me feel, is that the subject of the poem has trust issues. There is a desire to be approachable but as soon as anyone does, the subject withdraws. There seems to me to be a strong desire to gain control of those feelings so that the subject can enjoy life, not just restart a "new" one. The starting over theme, shows the desire to come to grips with this. Smiles
i think that if you could tackle this piece from another angle then perhaps you could make it work, in my opinion. the problem that immediately strikes me with this is that it sounds like the diary issues of a teen writer. now i understand that this is something that we all have to go through/have been through, and it seems almost necessary in the path that a writer takes to find their own voice, but at the same time give or take a few things it is this type of poetry that has been seen a squillion times before.
but this is a better place to start with this than a lot of places.
so could you somehow take all your questions and confusions and apply them to a situation so that we can empathise with what you are trying to say? at present the questions you are asking and the gratuitous use of rhetoric is all too familiar for the readers here. but what you have to say is as important as what any of us have to say, but your challenge is gaining interest and respect form the reader.
in applying this to a circumstance or event you could insert some poetic devices to really make us feel what you are feeling as opposed to just saying it, and saying it as we have seen it said before.
Okay! I hope you don't feel like this! It's your life and you can take control over it.
You have a lot of hurt and confusion in your life. If you long for death, whose death? Not yours, you won't have a start over. Everybody has a reason for existence. You might not have figured it out yet. Your poem expresses how you feel and that's good. Keep on writing to get it off your chest. take care, wanda