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The Beautiful Moment...


Author: Bobby_Dzyre
ASL Info:    23/M/Miami
Elite Ratio:    8 - 16 /10 /1
Words: 145
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1644
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 913



Description:


This poem is a description of what happened to me in reality on April 7th, 2004. The poem was written exactly a year later.

I had finished a hectic exam at college and was extremely tired. I barely made it to the beach to meet my girlfriend. Our relationship was almost 2 months old then. Strangely, we did not even touch each other that day.

When we were about to leave, we noticed something very round, big and red floating in air hardly above the horizon. Both of us argued- I said it was someone playing with a huge balloon whereas she said that it was the moon. We walked to the shores....it was the moon!

She decided to wet her feet in the water but I really didn't feel like joining her so I stayed back and just watched.

It was around 8:30 pm. The moon reflected light on the waters forming a huge triangle originating from it and she was playfully moving around within the boundary.

Black waters, white light, red moon, gusty winds, twinkling stars....and her. It was a beautiful sight.

One year later when I tried to relive the moment when I was 3000 miles away from her, I wrote this poem. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I was not able to be with her on April 7th again. Thats when I wrote this poem.

Our relationship is now 17 months old out of which, 12 months were spent in long distance. We are still strongly in love.


The Beautiful Moment...



It was the most beautiful sight ever,
As the moon was bathing you in its glory,
The waves fell in love with you,
And in no time...so did I,
Sadly, it wasn't in my power,
To freeze the moment,
All I could do is remain entranced,
And watch the breeze kiss you passionately,
Make you float in its ecstasy,
How I wished to be next to you,
Because I was jealous that nature had you all,
The earth below buried itself in your presence,
The stars above began singing their melody,
My eyes remained still like I was dead with life,
I could slowly see the moon crying,
And I smiled at it and said, "It's time",
But it reminded itself,
That the beautiful moment was about to begin,
For you were leaving, the shore,
And coming back to where you belonged...to me.




Submitted on 2005-07-16 03:42:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  WOW! this is utterly amazing!

the description was so beautiful in itself i didnt think that i would find this half as beautiful, but i was sooo mistaken.

all women want to feel loved like this...i felt inside the moment with you, seeing what you were seeing. i have never been loved like this, but it makes me feel as if i have. a new favorite, and welcome, welcome, welcome to elite!

-Nikki
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  Anyone reading this poem can tell it was written by someone that actually experienced it and the women it was written for is so blessed to be loved in such a way. My favorite of this beautiful piece is "All I could do is remain entranced,
And watch the breeze kiss you passionately,
Make you float in its ecstasy," So beautifully written as the entire poem. Bravo!
`always write poetry, Cheryl.
| Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! x 10,000...this was great...I mean I read the description-which I'm aware everyone else did-and I had to rush to the poem to see if it would anything like your description...I'm pleased to say it was even better...this is amazingly romantic and beautiful...your words are captivating to each reader...I love it, and I love your punctuation...placed it where it needed to be placed...gosh! I can't really critique this b/c there is nothing to say bad about it...the ending was definitely mi favoritio...bravo on this write...and this shall always stay in mi favs...
wonderful job here and welcome to the site...
can't wait for the next read.
-stacey-
| Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
  I was pretty happy just reading your description, and I expected the poem to be a letdown after such a preface...but no

I can only give this my highest praise that i have:

I WISH I'D WRITTEN IT!

Absolutely fabulous, be proud, and

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeap, i have to agree. you definatly know what you are doing and what made it so much better was that little preface you gave, other wise if you had just said, " oh its about my girlfriend one day at the beach I hadn't seen her all day and now i wrote it for our anniversary..."
I would have been like, ooookaaaay, aaaaaaand?

but no! This was so incredible and T^T it just flowed to no end, well until it ended, and the details used were simple words, it sounded intellegent with out using the, 'ingtellegent' words. I have to agree with the last post by 'by yourself' because they took the words right out of my mouth. Now i really can't wait to read your other poems when you get them posted ^-^ nother fav's addition, just wow!

keep it up!
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
  First of all I have to say I'm very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very sorry for commenting twice on your poem, but believe me I had to!

Second of all; is that I had to comment again to talk about the most important thing I liked about this poem which is the last part (the finale)!!

I think that the finale is very very important thing because the finale is the last thing people read and notice about the poem! It's the final and last impression which is the one that lasts in poetry!

Your finale was very very good and very well written too, saying;

"But it reminded itself,
That the beautiful moment was about to begin,
For you were leaving, the shore,
And coming back to where you belonged...to me"

That was an amazing fianle! Really heartfelt, I really loved it.

And I am sorry again for commenting twice! Keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, you gave me no choice here!! I mean I wanted to read one of your posts but I found that there's only one of them! lol

Anyway, I am glad that I read it because seriously it's beautiful, really beautiful, I loved it, every single part of it!

I can't deny that I was bored while reading the very very long description which I believe was not necessary, I mean sure there is a story behind the poem but you don't have to say it in details in the description! I mean you could have written it as a short story and post it too!

The poem is very well written and tha's for sure with no spelling mistakes (I didn't find any), and that's a very good thing.

Also the images created were very beautiful like;

"As the moon was bathing you in its glory,
The waves fell in love with you", and laso the part that says;

"Because I was jealous that nature had you all,
The earth below buried itself in your presence,
The stars above began singing their melody"

You have a very nice way with words and that was shown in that poem with well constructed sentences.

"The poem was very emotional and so so sincere too and that is the most important thing as you succeeded in transfering your emotions through words to the reader (me), and that's what poetry is all about; transfering our emotions in to words.

Anyway, I don't think I have anything more to say about this but to say that by reading this poem I found my new favorite!

I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  nice....Although i liked the entire poem ...the ending is what will hold in my mind ...which is exactly the way it should be ...I usually find these romantic things kinda boring and cliché'...but even i have to admit that this was well written and sweet ...good job
| Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  The descriptive preface to this poem enhanced it ten fold. The two should be kept together indefinately. The emotion is made much more real by the reality connected to the situation. A lot of us write off real experiences in the first place, but the setting which prefaced the poem seemed more than perfect. Great job, this is a poem which should be let alone now, because you have encapsulated the moment.
| Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by mr. | [ Reply to This ]


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