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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Caitlin's Songdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeadGod
    ASL Info:    20/M/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 61/103/31
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 948
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1416



    Description:
       This is a song written about a girl I think I might be falling in love with.

    Don't you hate that feeling where you've already said certain words too many times for them to mean as much, but you desperately want them to retain meaning?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCaitlin's Songdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's something they
    Cannot possibly get
    It has to do
    With the blood in my sweat

    It has to do
    With your face on the side
    Of every lyric that
    I'm desperate to hide

    And the way
    I stare
    And that rush
    Of fear

    I lay awake
    In a Paris hotel
    I shouldn't know
    But already can tell

    I bet my life
    On the edge of a kiss
    Your ball is thrown
    It's a swing and a miss

    And I know
    You're gone
    But I swear
    You won't be when I'm done

    I've said the words
    To a grievous amount
    How many times
    I could never account

    I'd like to prove
    That this time it's the truth
    You laugh it off
    And we're losing the couth

    So I'll die
    And decieve
    But at least
    In dreams, you'll never leave

    I'm driving home
    And it's 2:35
    My words are dead
    But my pain is alive

    I see you there
    On the side of the street
    There's nothing left
    For my heart to defeat

    And you know
    I lied
    Every time
    I ever said goodbye

    ----Padraig C. Nolan
    7/16/05




    Submitted on 2005-07-16 05:34:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The ending was the greatest.
    I'm starting to really like your work, dude. <3
    I have to admit though, I think your poem had a bigger impact on me because Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time is currently playing for me in the background.
    :))
    As bittersweet and great the ending was, the starting was equally awkward.
    But I did enjoy this piece. It's sounds honest. Like you picked out a page from your life and decided to post it on EliteSkills.
    Nice.
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
      I usually don't like love poems, but you did a good thing writing that in the description, it kept my attention...

    I think it's a beautiful poem, I didn't pay much attention to rhyming, rhythm or style...but that's
    probably a good thing...being that I was so enchanted by your poem I could only keep my mind on the thoughts flowing thru the poem...great!
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great peice! I read it because of the title, Caitiln is my name as well. So I read this and I really liked it. In some parts it seems to me that the rhyming was forced like in the 8th stanza. But other than that this was really beautiful. I hope she knows how much she really means to you. I wish you the best.

    -Caitlin
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I get you there my friend, with the words and the meaning thing but my opinion is that you can never say words too many times but they do seem to loose their meaning with certain people.

    To the write, and I could relate very well and thought that the rhyming all the way is nice but not over-repetitive which I think is the basis for a good song, so this was a nice read and hell, I feel you, man. Keep going though.
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this...what a poignant way of not being able to let go of someone or something. I love the last part- ...And you know I lied every time I said goodbye. I feel you, man. I think goodbyes are always a lie. This was beautifully written.
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    66782

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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