[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Glistendots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 227
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1116
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1322

       I always wanted a kiss in the rain, a dance in the rain. This is inspired by my muse, of course, and I would give anything just to dance with him under the stars one last time. Be kind, there is so much pain in this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The moonlight makes shadows on your face
    And I can't see what is in your eyes
    Are these pretty words you say the truth
    Or are they pretty lies?
    You take my hand in yours
    The stars twinkle in the sky
    I know I should just walk away
    Walk away before all of me can die
    You pull me close to steal a kiss
    Wrap your arms around my waist
    I know that I should resist
    But I'm caught up in your embrace
    Our bodies sway to the rhythym
    Of a song that meant so much
    And I can't smell anything but your skin
    All I can feel is your touch
    So we dance, and I'm caught in this moment in time
    This perfect moment that is only ours
    This moment that we danced in the moonlight
    After we made love under the stars
    A light rain falls and glistens on our skin
    The noise just a gentle hiss
    Your lips graze mine, and my eyes close
    And in the rain, we kiss.
    My heart is breaking ever so slowly
    Because at this moment, I know
    This is the last time I'll be kissing you
    I have to let you go
    Our lips part and you inhale
    Breathing what is left of me in
    You bid me farewell and I cry
    My tears glisten on your skin.

    Submitted on 2005-07-16 09:26:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I made you cry, now you made me cry...it is even now...
    This was beautiful reminded me of...well something just as beautiful.
    Isn't it every womans "little girl" fantasy? Just to dance in the rain for no reason at all, held by someone...anyone.
    I don't have a partner anymore...
    I dance alone...
    ok Im not crying and Im not rambling... But I really really liked this...
    Thank You!
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by pretty_kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      too be loved is so beautiful but can also be so sad , its a shame that this didnt become a happy ending for you.
    great work
    take care Lainie x
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great. its so pretty. i really like the line
    "Are these pretty words you say the truth
    Or are they pretty lies?"
    the rhyming is really sweet. and the emotion shows through a lot.
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by denial | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Amazing. I hardly even know what to say. That's so sad. I can relate completely. And they were all just "pretty lies." I would say that it gets easier if you just give it time, but I dont exactly know how much I believe that anymore. It's like I once wrote somewhere:

    "I hear it gets easier, I even thought it did.
    I thought that I was moving on, but who am I tryna kid?
    Cause I'm still haunted by the times
    That I'm not letting go of him."

    You did a great job expressing yourself. I just feel bad that you have such painful things to express. Every word held so much emotion and they all fit together perfectly. I have many favorite parts. One of them is:

    "My heart is breaking ever so slowly
    Because at this moment, I know
    This is the last time I'll be kissing you
    I have to let you go"

    ...I know the feeling. Hang in there. I hope that things all work out for you in time. Good luck with everything. Great job

    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent work!

    This has powerful emotions locked in, and is a driving piece whilst being gentle and melancholic, a neat trick!

    There are a couple of small flow gliches, but very tiny, I just so enjoyed reading this poem, it was lovely!

    Well done, be proud of this one.

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my deary. It's so good and so full. You are a beautiful writer and I'm sorry that something so amazing would end like that. The wounds of the past don't heal with time but get covered up by the life we build in front of them. Always remember what happened and you'll never forget where you want to be. There's no writing advice I can give you. Smile wild dear all isn't lost when pain is involved.

    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful piece. Yes, your pain is evident. Even though you are letting go, that one last kiss will remain in your heart and on your lips. All the words you used are gentle, sensual and passionate. I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. In time, you will heal. You take care of yourself. You truly poured your heart into this poem. It was great! wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]