Description: After only a couple of days of spending more time together, inspiration came with the result of this expression. One who carries Blade in one of her names has shown me a plesant person in her, seemingly unique in my experience.
She answwered my summons, and stood with me, without hesitation or intimidation or snottyness, without any quick judements or funny behaviour. She showed me her wit was as sharp as the blade in her name, and that she did not compromise herself or her self-image, but that it was realistic.
Somehow I was able to likewise mostly maintain the position to hold the self at, no bowing below the other or elevating the other above, even though I was floored by her beauty in attitude as well as in image, and baffled by her inclination to spend time with li'l ol' me. Thus the dance starts!
Blade of Benevolent Bleeding -------------------------------------------
Beholding one who dances alike, thinking maybe this could be the type
perhaps not similar but complimentary, and developing semblance of complacency
normally now's when to trip or slip up
but this time is different, don't spill the cup
let a sip be taken at will, tasted
let the moment be not hastened or wasted
already apparent how smooth and how nice
the transition developed from known to liked
stuck like with an arrow, dug like with a spade
heart welcoming warmly this fine whistling blade
that is just in time to cut down the fine line
cut away any less-than-the-best frame of mind
to caress so cooly from neck down the spine
behold fresh desire to inspire a whine
it washes away the usual ways, considers the factors of modern days
keeping true to nature's intention, allowance for more tailored convention
mystery surrounds and subjection abounds
to enticing romance and the bells that it sounds
do alarm but then calm as impression comes now
to suggest this simplicity's really profound
That description sounds like a poem on its own. Hehehe!!!! Great intro and those first two stanzas does hold the element of someone dancing.
Like the title. Had to grab a dictionary and I went "Wow" and "oh" now I get it. It's really cool what is described in the title alone.
I agree with what Jase says. You don't say much here. It's more your song cause it does sing a lot and you do a great jod with thius with your rhyme and meter. Com on man. Give us some more!!!!!!! Hehehehe!!! Kata
I think that perhaps you could order the first and fifth stanzas to four lines as well. It stretches over the page and doesn't look as uniform as the rest of the poem. Just a suggestion...
I like the internal wordplay, the assonant effects you have used, also the rhymes. I do feel that this was a whole lot of wordplay, but not a whole lot of real message. Know what I mean? Which is fine for me. Words strung together to 'sound' right, not necessarily mean anything more than what the reader perceives it to be. And I perceived it as such.
Just a nitpick... I feel that the line - 'stuck like with an arrow, dug like with a spade' - Doesn't sound right. It's the word 'like' that annoys me. Kind of pointless and only there to make it flow better, right? The way you used the word 'like' in here, conjures up images of californian cheerleaders going 'like, whatever... etc', know what I mean. Just a point.