Description: there were 15 comments or so talking about lesbians and how I really went overboard maybe so....but let's see when it is changed around slightly because 1st of all it wasn't even about lesbains but maybe the title kind of leaned that way so I changed that too.... so yeah no lesbians
I was a delicate, shy girl
who just wanted to be liked by this guy
more than anything in this world.
but one day...........
They chased me…raped me
only cause I probobly wanted them to.
I knew what I was doing.
Besides he finally said I love you.
although...When you’re on top of me followed.
As did all his friends,
when he told them I swallowed.
They kept their distance,
till he yelled ”Come on you gotta see this”
He kept saying “go ahead baby,
show me how much you love me.”
It was crazy
giving them all head.
9-23 yr olds
blowing their loads
all over me,
it sobered me…
and showed me
a better path for a lady.
I broke up with him a day later.
This wasn’t something a 16 year old girl
could do with a vibrator.
10 years later I’m a materialistic
snob, with a masochistic point of view.
I’ll cut your balls off
as soon as look at you.
The innocence of my childhood was taken.
I'm getting a sex change
then I'm gonna rape everyone of them..
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...this was...very interesting. I felt the agony of this...I felt almost dirty. Then you closed it with a little humor which lightened up my feeling a lot. This one is a very unique path into your mind. You showed a lot of your creativity and morbid (LMFAO) side.
Liked it...even though it was a dreadful situation.
This is definitely more of what I expect from the man known as LT! I like the way that you have changed the ending into a revenge feel-instead of attempting to get inside a females mind. (BTW, the female mind is all confusing- I know, I have to live with a females mind...)
I wonder how many rape victims have ever wanted to be able to rape the ones that have hurt them?.?.?.That would be an interesting survey.
Anyways, the change sits better with me- I'm glad you revisited it and let me know about the changes. Keep writing!
you said you wanted to capture this from a womens point of view... well, you f*ucked that up, and you said you didnt want anyone to take offence from this, but obviously, it was going to happen. You seriously need to think before you do [censored] like this. I am personally insulted by this, and in all honesty, just talking about the poetry itself, it didn't flow at all. There was no emotion, nothing. I dont think you captured anything here but insulting material.
I'm not sure what to say about this...I mean, on one hand, there is the typical LT quick rhymes and in your face phrasing and that is good...there is the "hey, don't blame me if you don't like it, I'm only playing with words" thing, but this time...I don't know...I'll take Jesus [censored] sheep, but this seems to really undercut the seriousness and utter horror of rape. It makes light of what to me is probably in many ways the most heinous of all crimes, especially with the fact that your character was but a child. So, yeah, I normally I dig your light-hearted looks at controversial issues (even if I don't agree with them), but I can't get on board with this one.
And this is not to mention that you are in essence saying that there is something dysfunctional in lesbianism, as if there had to be some horrible thing in childhood to trigger it. So on all counts, I'm sad to say that in my opinion, you've gone too far this time.
(and that is the danger in playing so close to the line all the time...but don't let that stop you. You have to keep doing what you do...you're pretty much the only one doing it)
no offense intended, just a little too shallow and ugly for my taste.
I will not go into the whole thing about how a man can never write from a womans point of view on a subject like this, or any of that. It has already been done in the comments before.
I will say that you are brave for venturing into this territory. Especially after reading the other comments.
Also, I know that some woman do turn to the same sex for comfort after they have been in an abusive situation with a man. My aunt being one of them. After being married to my uncle for years and having two daughters, she couldn't handle the abuse anymore. For the last twenty years she has been a lesbian, and has had a happy relationship with her partner. She has sworn that she will never take the abuse of men again.
Kudos to you my friend for the courage to tackle such a matter as this one.
Hmm..well, that's an interesting take on it. But you do realize that homosexuality is from birth, right? Then again, I also have heard of a few (one very good friend of mine) that wanted nothing to do with the opposite sex after abuse. I do have to agree with most of the comments, tho I loath to do so, that I just don't think it's possible for a man to understand how a woman feels after she's been raped. Not only raped, but gang raped at that. Unless, ofcourse, the man has been thru it. I do enjoy your originality and your absolute steel balls in tackling the extreme controversial topics. Fabu. Traci :)
You sure seem to have struck a chord with this piece. I find it awesome that others were willing to come out and say how they feel instead of sugar coating it becasue they like you. With that said...
I'd like you to imagine the most beautiful woman, someone who turns your insides around with just a look. A female that smells perfect, feels amasing, promises you the world. Slowly undreses you, ties you up with black satin scarfs, lights candles, blind folds you....
then cuts off you penis, and walks away laughing.
Know how that idea makes your stomach sour, your lower abdomen clench, sweaty hands...
Now imagine it being your first experience...
You did soo good with pedo-files- I had hoped for the same here. It was a good effort. I'm happy to see you are writing again.
I read all the other comments before starting this. I agree with beatthedrum and alexis. The character lacks the feel of a woman. A raped woman would not talk so detachedly about rape.
I will try to explain how this will feel. This will be felt as an invasion, as anger at being unable to defend herself, as a feeling of impotence in deciding her fate, as being considered just like an object all wrapped in a humiliation and fear.
She would not think about the vibrator, she would not be seeing the whole scene as if it happened to someone else. This is the way u wrote it. And moreover from a man's point of view. No woman would be so detached about rape.
It raises anger and series of mixed emotions in other women. They can feel her pain, u don't! At least that is how it feels. Just imagine a lion tearing up its prey, imagine how the prey will feel, helpless under his grasp, bound by physical force and unable to escape. Trapped in a situation where not even her pleading or her screams or her tears would affect her assaillant.
Moreover a typical male thought: "They chased me…raped me only cause I probobly wanted them to. I knew what I was doing."
No woman, absolutely no woman (unless abnormal or perverted) would want anyone to rape her. NEVER EVER. She would see this more of a nightmare than a thing she wants. In psychology there is even the rape fantasy, to express and release the fear of it.
So ur character does not stick together.
You chose to make her a lesbian, well it might not be impossible. I can totally see that after all that she has been through she might go to the other side. Looking maybe for a little bit of warmth and compassion she thought totally lost in men.
The subject is interesting enough, but if u have to write it from the victim's point of view, be the victim, feel her and her pain, feel her misery and her helplessness in such a situation.
BTW I wonder if u meant the masochistic part to be in relation with the cutting the men's balls off, would not that be sadistic??
Jeez. I just typed a comment and it [censored] redirected me back to your page, and it didn't appear. And I just finished typing it. I [censored] hate it when that happens. ARGGHHHHH.
(oops. excuse my French)
anyway, with this poem, well controversial subject matter, you betcha. But I've always respected you for that, for stepping outside the comfort zone, not being afraid to explore.
I just didn't feel this one. The persona didn't seem three dimensional enough for me to feel for her, or to have an impact. You might find that this is a view you'll get from a lot of chicks, for obvious reasons. The persona seems literally brain dead. Doesn't seem rounded enough.
I admire that you are trying to tackle such issues in your poetry. I think maybe a more subtle approach would have a greater impact, aided by research of gang rape victims etc.
Definitely make it less subtle. And I'm not sayin that cos of the subject matter, I was really impressed by the other controversial one, the Pedo Files.
Anyhow, if you do a rewrite I'd love to see it.
peace to you alexis
p.s. don't ever think my opinion counts. It doesn't. What do I know? I'm just a dumb kid.
hmmmm...not to be of any bad criticism...but a girl doesn't become a lesbian b/c of a past event that tainted her ideals of men...yeah...she'll hate the sight, the touch, the smell of men...but it's not gonna take her on the other side...she most likely won't trust anybody for the most part...being lesbian is just something that happens-no strings attached... you see, i don't want to say much but i have to say that your ideal would be considered for a guy being gay...see, it doesn't qutie make sense... but i'll give credit to you b/c there may be cases where it has happened that way...dunno know... anyways... -stacey-
you missed the mark here dude, totally. i could re-iterate all that beathtedrum said below, but i won't. suffice it to say you need a few lessons in what it means to be a lesbian and how we don't hate men. i'm sorry lameman but this is too twisted.
I appreciate your stretching to attempt this but I think you need to stretch a bit further. This appears to be a guy's point of view superimposed on a female figure. I get no sense of vulnerability or body shaking terror on her part. Also sexual orientation is not situational in origin. Many of the hetro girls hate guys and use them accordingly. I think a few conversations with abused women might be very insightful in understanding what this is like. Just ask around. You won't have to ask more than two or three females before you find one that has been abused. Actually I do wish men could understand the fear, insecurity, hate and loathing that develops from their abusive and controlling nature. If they knew what it was to be taught and trained to be dependent and then have those that should be protecting them use and abuse them, if they could know only for a minute how that feels, we'd have a different world.
Again, I appreciate the effort in that direction. Keep looking, you may find the truth is very near you.
Just a few typos to clean this piece up a bit - probably, snob, masochistic, innocence.
An interesting perspective, I must say. To put yourself in the persona of a gang-raped young girl turned lesbian. Where the hell do you come up with these things? lol
'When you’re on top of me followed.' - I understand this line rhymes with swallowed afterwards, but still, this line kinda caught in my throat. I think it could be the syntax... and also, lines 4 and 9 missed capitalization. Just thought I'd mention that to improve uniformity.
Overall, this was unique and presented quite well. I'm not sure if you'll get lesbians riled up over this, but as I see it, it is from the perspective of why one particular lady went the other way - not as a message saying that all gang-raped girls will eventually become lesbians.
You like your controversial topics, don't you? To step into something that is alien to you and give it life, through your perceptions of it... Another good write, cheers. Jase
sorry dude! but what the [censored]? Had you of left the last line out I might of appreciated this piece, it might offend a few lesbians as the poem sounds like your making an assumption that lesbians are born of rape. Only my opinion, but a wamen would never have written this poem.
you are a trip! I can see a lesbian being born out of that for sure. holy cow! you are captain kirk here as far as poetry. it was well pointed and I see the whole event. I hope I dont get men in suits coming over to check out my computer ha ha just playin. man my mind is stewing on that one. mike :) ((added later)) there is no reference to all lesians it is an account of one lesbian. of course not all, I think it was carefully worded despite what some might think. (a lesbian) think please
Okay, now here is the LT that I just love. You managed to take all the negative critiques on this only half heartedly and turn this controversial piece into an origianl LT write. In all honesty, I really didn't care for it at all before the changes. Now with the changes I'm loving it. The whole idea of revenge is great. I believe that every woman has conjured up a few good revenge tactics they would just love to use on the men who have hurt them. These changes have brought out the sarcasm of the whole situation, and have turned this once "not good" piece in a whole different direction.
Well done. And you see, I'm not crazy. You just need to quit confusing me with title changes.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha. ok... this is hilarious. Now that u changed the ending, the poem takes a more sarcastic parody form.
Truth lies in there, the anger and feeling of revenge and wanting to get back at those who raped her.
The ending alleviates the rape thing, well actually it does not give it the serious aspect it had b4, so no one should tell u that a girl will see it different now. You see sometimes a phrase can change the whole meaning. B4 by turning her into a lesbian, there was more bitterness underlying, now it is a bit childish, and crazy y she ahd a sex change. Usually they do it for deeper reasons, here it is only to avenge.
So yeah better, gives ur poem the sarcastic tone u wanted in the 1st place. Leave as is.