Description: I have tweaked this a bit based on the early comments. The last three lines are a chant I use when I am drumming. This is a representation of a live reading on the piece. It goes from the poem to the chant. I am sorry for any confusion.
Do we watch the news
with the sound turned down?
A tree falls and there is no noise.
Is it because none is there to hear
we chose to watch
it on the screen
and not listen to the
Many have fallen
in clear cut cities.
Did we hear that?
Does the heart need a hearing aid?
A child, mother, father,
sister or brother dies
and there is no sound of cries
unless the relatives are ours
and they all are
The rockets red glare
bombs bursting to bare
Each ghost must be a banshee.
When we can no longer stand
the shattering shriek
perhaps then we will stand
and roar "NO MORE!"
I really liked this piece...I believe every word of it, I've always talked with my friends about how it seems people don't care about others anymore...and I think it's wrong...I'm going to add this one to my favorites...you did an excellent job.
How it is that we have taught ourselves to be unconcerned, especially in America? One idea is simply the amount of negative stimulus makes us tune out everything. When stresses hit us we go to the doctor and her gives us pills so we can deepen our ability to ignore. ..though we might be making changes in our lives instead.
The simple ideas you give us in the first lines are so poignant. I like being in on the work you do too. My heart is around a set of drums and the rhythm of chanting is a pulse in my veins. Thanks! Nan
great opening lines... i don't watch t.v., if i did i would have the sound turned up and it would slay me. so many are dying, and for what? i'm not sure... those who fight believe what they are doing is right.
i do think you could strengthen the chant a bit.. i think the whole piece could be a chant. you can end it on "NO MORE" and still have a powerful impact. just a suggestion.
i would love to hear you do some drumming! when i was at Nan's, i asked her to just do a solo for me the day i left... she blew me away! i have no doubt you'd blow my socks off as well!
keep playing those skins and speaking out, drummer girl! @ Cat
I do think we hear. It's probably more complex than that. This country was birthed on war and has flourished through it. It seems so primitive, but here again we are thumping our chests. Reason? No matter any more. There is much invested in it and by nature we love to flaunt our strengths.
I believe that the masses can hear just fine...it's all in the interpretation.
Well you did some good turn about phrases there, strong revloutionary piece you have here. I'm glad to see you out of the box many of us are trapt in. My feelings on war are mutal. But, I also think that things are going exactly as they should. Back to your poem, the last stanza makes the piece a bit Cheesy...I know it's suppose to stand for chanting, but I think it also a bit anticlimatic, and this is just one opinon, but I think if you truncated that last stanza it would give the poem much more IMPACT.
OK. I really really liked this. I cant say I entirely believe your point of view, but I did like it. To me, war keeps the world healthy. I know I know, that sounds horrible, but you disagree and fight with your friends, no? Well consider the U.S.: billions friends trying to get along with billions of other friends. Hard to picture, yes? Thik about it in smaller terms, for example, a high school. High schools are diverse, such as the world. And to be quite frank and terse nonwar is impossible.
But enough of my ranting and on with your piece. First four lines in your first stanza were good, but then in your last four nlines is where it go a bit choppy.
"or because we chose to watch images protrayed on a screen and not listen to the screams [italics maybe] of war?"
I have that problem a lot though, getting thigns to flow and not sound so choppy. But thats jsut my opinion up there.
Your second stanza was very profound! The firt couple lines were slightly choppy, but the last three lines were magnificent, kudos to you!
Third stanza was good, but I have this little tiny suggestion for your first three lines:
"The rockets red glare bombs bursting to bare- our souls."
It just eases the flow up a bit and makes a bolder statement. The last three lines however, were awesome! They really pulled the piece together and I felt that you truly believed in this.
I really agree with all that you are saying. You emotions are definately most emotions other people share about war and everything else on the topics of War. I think you defintely made a point. Cause some people don't care, and they don't get why they should care. But thats just people. But I think this could be a reminder, cause sometimes people forget about the big appreciation we should have. Its just lil reminder I guess to some people. Others probably udnerstand.
To me I like the end. I liked that you are speaking what you believe.. Awesome
Personally... I would rethink the last part because it threw everything at my feet.
I like how it got there though...
It is easy to watch a person get shot if you don't know him/her because what you see is no more than a lead head piercing an organism... really... there isn't much to go with. But, God forbid, a family member gets shot... you can't keep tears from falling... figuratively or otherwise. The thing about human beings is that... a stranger to you maybe the whole universe to another... and that can't be helped. With these divisions... these lines of fire circling us... and that reality of our identity with regards to each other... I don't think anyone can win. But still it goes on...
I hope more people would learn to here "no more" coz right now... it's being said in different languages.
I enjoyed the poem in general. I think you would have a stronger ending eliminating the last stanza (ending with and roar "NO MORE!").
Also instead of using a tree, why not say something like "a soldier falls but there is no noise" because it makes it more applicable to your statements (i understand the reference). That was also the strongest point to your poem, the philosophical question of how real something truly is to anyone when it doesn't directly affect them (see previous comment). Thanks for the post!
Yes, I agree with your views on war. You tied this in both politically and emotionally, and told me how much you detest it.
Which most people do. But we are powerless in the bigger picture, aren't we? And that makes me so sad.
The first stanza reminded me of an interesting philosophical question that I have read of. I wish I could remember the name, but unfortunately I cannot right now. It dealt with people's perceptions - if you are not there to see it happening, is it real? Something like the effects of war which you do not see, if you have been shielded from its harsh reality.
This was a good write. It made me think outside of my pitiful existence. And you delved outside of your body to show us this.
I share many of the feelings here. I really love that line "Does the heart need a hearing aid?" that was very colorful and rich. the first two lines "Do we watch the news with the sound turned down?" it's as if one listens but doesnt hear. a nice way to illustrate apathy or just plain being absent minded. which that feeling/thought is furthered in the next 7 lines. the first two lines of the second stanza.. are the clear cut cities the result of bombing campaigns?? and these lines "and there is no sound of cries unless the relatives are ours" that gives me the feeling of the disconnect to others unless it hits home. "and they all are relative." that could double in meaning as relative to the situtation and/or relative if you have the belief we are one big family. I like the last declarations.. no! no more! no more war! that was an very nice touch to build up to that. overall a fabulous write on many levels. mike :)
We all end up wanting to shut the world away sometimes! It is understandable that when we have our daily stresses, that we do not want to hear about any more.
But I don't think that anyone can be shut away forever, and we all make a difference no matter how slight.
But for once I would like to see the women govern the world, I am sure that then we will see some great changes. I am not being sexist here but men have been steering for a while now and all we have is growing wars.
I think women can steer us to more peace... unless power corrupts all those who touch it.