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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the one and onlydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 665



    Description:
       it needs lots of work, so if any one can help me, id love to hear some advice. it needs to be perfect before i show my boyfriend how i truly feel.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe one and onlydots
    -------------------------------------------


    from where i stand
    you are the one
    the love of my life
    and the soul that completes me

    i'm happy by your side
    and my love burns strong
    when i lay on your chest
    with your heart beating fast

    my hands fit into yours
    and your arms wrap around me
    the world seems to fade
    when i look in your eyes

    the warmth in your voice
    just makes me smile
    and whenever you're around
    i never want to cry

    the depression seems to fade
    and my mind drifts into peace
    when i lay on your chest
    and listen to you breath




    Submitted on 2005-07-17 01:34:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Um well, I think you should add more to it because I just feel like you have more to say. It's like it ends in mid sentence sorta thing. But i can appreciate how you feel and you've described yourself very well, just continue on like you started and add i donno one or two more stanzas and it should be great. Also I believe you meant "breathe" not breath in the last stanza last line... if so you should fix that otherwise if you meant breath then you need to change the you to "your". This has good potential, I can't find anything else that is wrong with it and I think it's very honest
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]


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