Description: a song i'm working on. not done yet, first verse and chorus only.
the undrinkable/unthinkable part i took from a previous piece, it seemed to fit here more.
advice etc.. plz
butterflies and noise -------------------------------------------
the syntax has stranded
the sentiment is strangled
all the words do, is choke it, they don't mean it
it's just instinct screaming, singing
something learned of the deepest blue
that salty mirror and the ghost who's waving back at you
forever true
undrinkable volume
unthinkable volume
won't someone please turn it down
in silence we'll sleep
no sound
so sound
I like were this piece is headed and I really can't offer much I wish there were more, because I am quite curious as to were the piece is heading. Though I will be honest as I was reading it I couldn't help but think of Enjoy the silence by "Depeche Mode" not that there are really any similarities between the two. Actually as I look at it, I can't help but feel this piece when done will have a far greater amount of depth to it than the afor mentioned song. As of now what is written I feel conveys the dangers of the spoken word. How we can't take back that which we say because like smoke it evaporates or is inhaled into the lungs almost cancerous depending on the words. There is saftey in the written word. I dunno, Im sorry Im rambling, though in a way I must thank you, you got my brain going in a way it hasnt been for a long time. I am eagerly awaiting the finished product.-John
anyways arrrggghh... i wanna be able to write like this... i wanna be able to write lyrics that arent all cheesy and bonfire starters...
i like the first verse and the reality of words... the meaninglessness of words at times... the instinct screaming is like rote learned lines to me... like saying i love you when someone says it to you... its just noise... you dont mean it... its just somethng to fill the emptiness or potential silence...
the chorus is cool... if i follow it on from my above ideas then its kinda saying that silence is better than lies... that words cause upheaval and sometimes one can express more through silence than anything else... no sound so sound... safe and inviting...
so yup... i dont know if im anywhere near anything you were meaning but i decided to give it a slightly better stab than previous readers... i dont know if i can give any suggestions or anything... it is your song and your heart... you know the words you just gotta find them is all...
(and im sure ive asked you this hundreds of times already but... what instrument do you play...?)
ooohhh...horray...i was very excited when i'd seen you posted you know i think your brilliant...lol...and you take so long between posting...boohoo...anyways i'm rambling...i don't really find it hard to understand ...but i'm one for analyzing...lol...as usual i have no advice just ohhh and awws and i love it...sorry for the lamo comment but i'm never sure what to say...much love...purps////
two very difficult things to do are to comment on a piece that is unfinished and to comment on words that are meant to be played and understood with music, without music.
in writing, which i am sure you know if you do both, it is very much a different game when you have or do not have music. i think you have to be more definite with words that are poetry. there is far less cope and there is less you can get away with because there is nothing to rescue the words. the best examples are the songs that we like. many songs that i really like really are poorly written lyrically, and would never stand on their own as poetry. i especially find this with heavier music, where the lyrics can hide to some extent by growling guitars and the fact that you cant always hear what they are saying anyway.
and then there is the relationship of the words to the music that is far more relevant than just the words themselves. take stephen fretwells 'New York,' and the lines: 'fu-ck what they say, fu-ck it if the talk, it really dont matter were going to new york,' or nine inch nails 'you know what you are?' and the line 'dont you fu-cking know what you are?'
these lines mean very little on their own but with the atmosphere of the music it makes them sound like they are written by poets.
so i am afraid i dont really have anything that i can say to the your words here. have you written any chords or music to it yet? it would be interesting and more relevant to see how it sounds and how it is sung and the melodies and the life the words take.
Submission Name: butterflies and noise
