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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Saturday Nightsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blindly-N-Love
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 197/141/29
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Story/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 265
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 843



    Description:
       This is just story I'm playing with. Lol. It is NOT true. Thought it was kind of cool, tell me what you think, and how I can improve. .. Ps I wanted it to end in a question.. This guy ruined her life.. its all about her pain and wanting it to basically jsut stop!! Thanks for reading plz comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSaturday Nightsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Saturday night and I'm all alone,
    No one is around me.
    I'm just dressed up; Sitting at home.
    How has my life come to this?

    I was popular, and loved
    But that prick ruined my life.
    I was held high above everyone else.
    But Satan himself took it all away.

    How could an innocent soul like myself,
    Fall for a guy, that could hurt me so bad.
    I'm going to grow old all by myself.
    This wasn't my plan, why has it come to this?

    Laying in bed at night,
    I pray to the Gods above me,
    To take away my pain and life.
    But I continue to wake up; All the same.

    So this Saturday night, I sit alone again,
    Contemplating my own decisions,
    If the Gods won't do it, should I?




    Submitted on 2005-07-17 22:42:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this, but it needs polish, play with it, stare at it and envision it in other forms. The piece itself is good. I liked the loss of love theme, work with it. I am a story teller, so I really appreciate a good story, but it needs polish. When you look at it, you will know what the final product should be.
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a good poetic story. I am glad you posted it. Keep up the good work. your poems are getting better by the post.

    can't wiat to see your next poem
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Unicrom | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo thats good. I like the ending question. But i agree with Caitlin, she shouldnt. Everything gets easier in time. Anywho, this was very well written. The whole thing was really good. Very creative. I have nothing negative to say. Great job

    -nikkki

    ...I <3 My Chemical Romance
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      To answer the last question, No she shouldn't. If the gods don't end her life than that means that they want her to live right? Asuming that you believe in "gods". I myself believe in God. 1 God. The God. And I know he wouldn't want her dead. Because he loves everyone. And values each life.

    Anyway about the poem itself. I liked how every other stanza ended in a question. And I liked how not everthing rhymed. It had just enough. Great job!

    - -Caitlin
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the references to divine intervention and that the write shows prayers aren't always answered. I too liked that every stanza ended in a question, but I think this could be improved by some constant rhyming, because it felt like it should have a few times.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]



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