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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Burnsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SorrowfulMind
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Alton, IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 27/39/13
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831



    Description:
       I know that there is advice everywhere saying "Do not use I in poems." I just could not help but post this one. This poem took a lot of thought because I was trying to have an A, A, A, B stanza on all of them.

    A, A, A, B, A, A, A, B, A, A, A, B, C, C, C, B, A, A, A, B.

    That was hard to rhyme the first, second and third line of every stanza without using the same words multiple times. I just love how this one turned out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Burnsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I discover that these tears I shed
    Mean nothing, as I hang my head,
    I shade my eyes that seem so dead,
    And soon I cry a mile.

    I curl up naked in my bed,
    My cuts so deep, so thick, so red,
    I grip upon my hurting head,
    And soon I cry a mile.

    These tears, they fall down my cheeks of red,
    My heart would tear. My eyes were dead.
    Unspoken words then fill my head
    And soon I cry a mile.

    They will not stop, these endless tears.
    I hold my mouth so no one hears.
    My growing sobs, they reach no ears
    As I cry this endless mile.

    To discover that those tears I shed
    Meant nothing, I would hang my head,
    Since nothing else could then be said,
    I cried my final mile.




    Submitted on 2005-07-18 01:44:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      this was a great piece!! i have been there and i can relate!! this is a very interesting way to write it though but i really like it! i think that taking the time to write it like this really expressed more feeling and adds more emphasis on certain parts in the poem...makin us feel the pain and emotion!!! anyway i love it ! so true ...so real.................................
    love and death:
    razorgirl
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Razorgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS WAS VERY MAGNIFICANT, I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO THE CONCEPT, IT'S AS IF NO ONE FUKKIN CARES, LIKE THEY THINK THEY KNOW YOU, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THE REAL YOU UNTIL THEY CAN UNDERSTAND THE PAIN YOU SUFFER. TO ME I SEE LIFE AS A DREAM THAT'S NOT TRUE UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO BE.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by J-IDENTITY | [ Reply to This ]


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