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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Did You Hear Me...?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       Had those 2:00 am blues. Let me know what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDid You Hear Me...?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Did you hear me say I love you
    Or was that only in my head
    I'd give anything to keep you
    Here beside me, in this bed
    Could you hear me when I cried
    Those silent shameful tears
    When I had to turn away
    Because I know exactly why you're here
    Can you feel my hands upon you
    Do you miss my touch
    I'd give anything to hold you
    But I know it costs too much
    Have you heard me when I asked you
    How this came to be
    My life was built around US
    Now it's only YOU and ME
    Can you hear my body speak to you
    Why can't you understand
    Inside, I'm completely dead
    But I come alive in your hands
    Did you hear me say I love you
    As you turned and walked out my door
    You're the only thing I've wanted, but
    I can't do this anymore.




    Submitted on 2005-07-18 08:38:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Another one I liked of yours. This one made me cry too... Made me sad. Made me remember too.

    "Do you miss my touch
    I'd give anything to hold you
    But I know it costs too much"

    *sighs*
    ~Bonnie
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by pretty_kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      This work just jumped out and stunned me...as have many of yours. Perfect title, wording is strong and from your heart, how you write so strongly poem and word after word has me amazed..but this really stunned me when I started reading it... "I'd give anything to hold you"...how I would..."did you hear me say I love you"...sometimes I really think we do not hear what is unsaid...until after.
    Alan
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I thought I'd stop in and add my two cents worth, since a lot of commenters seem to have said what I would've said already.

    Namely, that I have been in this position before, and felt the dreaded 2am blues.... or 4am blues, usually in my case. It's a sad, soul-searching time of our lives where you question everything... You question yourself, your existence, what means the most to you and so on, etc etc.

    A heart-felt read, thanks...
    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written, very powerful and descriptive. Those 2 a.m. blues hit all of us sometimes but usually mine give me great ideas for poetry. This was no exception when it comes to great poetry.

    Have you heard me when I asked you
    How this came to be
    My life was built around US
    Now it's only YOU and ME
    Can you hear my body speak to you
    Why can't you understand
    Inside, I'm completely dead
    But I come alive in your hands

    That's the best part, it's really strong and the second part is something I can relate to personally. Maybe to improve it break it up into four line stanzas to fit in with your rhyme scheme (which is good) to make it easier to read.
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      *cries* *stumbles around bleeding and battered*
    This one kinda hit home for me right now ...I think alot of people have had those feelings or thoughts ...Youve managed to put them down in a way that didnt seem cliché` or flakey ...so well done....I honestly wouldnt change a thing with it ...purrrrfect
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, that is all i can think of right now...how beautiful in it's sadness. love is the greatest thing out there, but that doesn't mean it's good for you... for instance, loving someone who is married and you know is with you for the "thrill" the "difference" is like that. you love them so much and want nothing but to be with them, but can't. have to remain the "back-up" until you just can't do it anymore... that's what i think of while reading this, going into the fav's.

    ~jennifer~
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Woah. Very powerful piece you have here. Losing a relationship (love on one part, but only physical desire on the other) is never easy. Desiring that it should be more than it is is also terrible. You've done a marvelous job portraying both of these. I especially like the lines
    My life was built around US
    Now it's only YOU and ME.
    Never was there such sorrow in the difference of words. Great job.
    J
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an awesome piece and extremly well written. i guess my favorite lines were every second starting from the second line (2nd, 4th 6th, etc!) your poem reminds me almost of like first love because it never really goes away and you cant make it. but your still trying to let go and move on because you know its not going to come back.

    anyway, i enjoyed reading this poem and im adding it to my list of favorites because it is truely one of the best that i've read in a while.
    xoxoxomuchlove-ash
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well written! I especially like,"My life was built around us. Now it's only you and me." I know that feeling and it sucks! You just know things are falling apart yet you are powerless. You sit there watching it all unfold in front of you unable to stop it! You can only hold on for so long before it becomes exhausting! Love is painful stuff! Especially when it is not equal within the relationship! Good poem! Your expression of feelings through your words is well done!
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Raivn this is one of my favorites in the world and that is great! Have I ever read this??

    Can you hear my body speak to you
    Why can't you understand
    Inside, I'm completely dead
    But I come alive in your hands

    This was my fav part...you really really impressed me...I bet u are on right now,bah ha.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. it is very strong. i noticed that throughout the poem, the character is so...intent on keeping this love, but at the end she gives up. i thought that made it sound more...real i guess...but yeah...i am familiar with that feeling...when you love someone so much, but it ends...and you have no choice but to let them go no matter how much you care for them..
    ..yea...it kind of sucks when that happens...anyways, this was a very nice poem and i like it alot...great work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      This has strong emotion in it but still the emotion seems hidden from the other person, or else that person knows its there and just dosent want to acknoledge it which ever one they are both sad. This made me feel sad and yet strong because when you get to that point in time when you can tell where things are going it is best to be strong.

    These things suck but they happen all the time it great that someone can put these feelings into writing that other people can relate to.
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by chemberdan | [ Reply to This ]


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