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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sheetsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 895



    Description:
       Some days you just don't see any point in dragging yourself out of the bed... Most days are like that for me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSheetsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Opening my eyes, I don't really think
    That they're gonna stay open for long
    My eyelids are so heavy, I think I should just
    Stay here where I belong.
    The sheets are so cool against my flushed skin
    And I'm comforted by their embrace
    If I don't drag myself out of this bed
    I don't have to look at my own face
    I pull my covers up to my chin
    Pull my teddy bear close
    Maybe it's foolish, but it seems like he
    Can protect me from these ghosts
    The curtains are heavy, and they keep out the light
    And the darkness keeps me sane
    If I just bury my face in this pillow
    I don't have to feel any pain
    So I close my eyes and the memories disappear
    No one can see the tears gleam
    I stay here in this haven of sheets
    And I sink into my dreams.




    Submitted on 2005-07-18 08:45:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A favourite, something I can relate to word for word for word. I've been there and you've given such a beautiful and perfect description. Sad thoughts made beautiful! Oh god this is just so ME wow, brilliant job. Again maybe you should break it up into four line stanzas just to make it easier to read.
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool Shee-at maynard. Everyone has days like these and dont we all wish the teddy bear and pillow were always there. And the cool comforting sheets...I did that this morning...hit the snooze alarm about five times...then finally set the alram clock for one more hour of contentment. Very well done and very well expressed. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      i've been in this position many times when i was younger. alas, i didnt have a teddy bear to comfort me :P sleeping was a way out. not having to deal with anything. you portrayed it nicely here :) im not here to correct your grammar...for that is easily fixed. maybe counting out your syllables if this is fixed verse. or if its free verse then leave it just how it is! i especially like the last 4 lines, it sums up the feeling of the entire poem.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by serge | [ Reply to This ]
      ok...this poem has good potential and i like what your trying to portray but i think you can do a bit better on this piece. by adding simple things like periods it gives the reader and easier read. what i mean is we dont know where one thought ends and another begins; it just makes it alot easier if you put the punctuation in. i know i get alot more out of a poem that way. you can try writing your poem in the form of a paragraph and where there should be a period in a sentence, there should be one in the poem.
    but great thoughts just needs a little revision.
    xoxoxomuchlove-ash
    ps i hope my paragraph technique works for u
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, that was beutiful...i like this one...i guess because i am familiar with that feeling, just wanting to forever sleep and never wake to face pain again...you brought this feeling to life with these words, i love how you set up the feeling of darkness with the line about the curtains...great work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      What beautiful thoughts on Monday morning. Unfortunately, I'm at the office and wishing that I could be wrapped in my sheets as well...or somebody's sheets. You really portrayed the benefits of staying in bed well with this one. Nicely done...

    X
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]


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